Have you ever fought yourself?

Have you ever been so revolted by your own will that

Air clenched in your throat and a weight

was driven down on your chest?

I doubt you have ever looked at a sharp surface

And seen another layer of scars.

I doubt you have ever looked at a metal can

And seen tantalizing new bruises.

I doubt you have ever looked at the world

And seen it as devoid of color

Black

and White

and red

I doubt you have lain awake thinking about the most efficient way

to kill yourself

so many different options 

sometimes with would be worth it...

have you?

Because I have.