Just because the candle is lit, and I can see, does that mean everything is right?

Although the stove needs to be hot to cook my eggs in the mornings, can it never be cold?

When I look at you, I feel joy! I feel excited, butterflies, nostalgic, maybe even lustful....

When I look at you, I feel anxious, perhaps not good enough, "happy?"...

Whatever, this is normal. This is what I see in the movies on my laptop.

This is what I see when I think about you in my mind. 

What do you see in me, babe?

Is it the money I don't have, but will spend on you anyway?

Is it the time I should be spending studying, exercising, with family, but I will predictably spend with you instead?

Is it parts of my body that you enjoy, maybe even more than the most important part of all? My brain?

Now, why should I ever question what this is? I've only been with two other people, I guess one if you don't count anything under six months. 

This might be the best connection that I will ever be able to find in the crazy, blue and brown ball that we live on.

I mean, think about it. You've never hit me, very hard. You've never said "I hate you!" Well, in those terms...

You've never had a strong connection with someone else besides me. Well, not one that seemed strange from all the rest of the people I was worried about...

Well, I love you too.

.......

......

.......

Why would you leave me, babe?

Was I clingy? Unnatractive? Needy? Annoying or boring? What?

The thing is, although we're not together anymore, I don't know how to be with someone else...

While you flaunt your new person in front of me, I think about what I did wrong.

My candle isn't lit, and I can't see where I'm going... Right or wrong?

It's good that raw eggs won't make you sick, because my stove broke when you called me a coward for trying to tell you my feelings....

Maybe someday someone will take your spot. I hope that day never comes. 

Maybe, someday, someone will love me better.