grades body moving

now again

grades body moving

I’m sorry, what?

grades body moving

boil it down.

grades body moving

grades body moving

grades body

tori, you’re not making any sense.

Well, for the record, I’m making perfect sense.

and let me tell you why.

The shittiest parts of my life really boil down to three things.

grades body moving

as in

not high enough

not pretty enough

and oh god not again

as in

i tried but

pizza is so good

and this is my 16th house

as in

always stressed

always insecure

always leaving

as in

shit.

and we can break into the crevices of the thing

as in family time money sleep friends popularity boys oh god boys

but if we stick to the basics

as in

grades body moving

i can tell you what’s what

everything is awesome.

and i really think

grades

that for a few people

body

that reigns pretty true

moving

and it might for me, too

but except

grades body moving

grades.

i have always done okay.

i don’t really labor over my grades.

i don’t have to study all that hard

and things have gone alright.

but it’s always there

staring me in the face

hey t have you done your homework?

a 68 on this test is not good enough

oh, you can’t have an off day, you’re on the math league/quiz bowl team/honor roll and

how dare you try to quantify your worth any other way

it seems like the worst things come in groups of three

three letters

as in

sat

gpa

act

three things

as in

grades body moving

and i’m standing at the beginning of

grades body moving

and worrying about whether or not the future

(of both my educational career and this poem)

are gonna showcase all the work i put into it

body

i have been told by many doctors that i am glaringly average.

i eat okay-ish

i exercise when i can

i seem to be doing fine

so why can’t i let this go?

oh, a pool party? no thanks, I should be

DOING MY HOMEWORK

maybe i could wear that if i were a little smaller

oh we don’t make that in a size 12 that number’s just a little bit too big for us and

how dare you try to quantify your worth any other way

since we learn in the seventh grade just how our bodies work

i can’t seem to get out from under

just how our bodies look

and mine doesnt

and i’m pissed

and here i stand in the middle of

grades body moving

worrying about whether or not my thighs touch?

if my i could swap my caloric intake and my gpa

maybe i’d be a little happier

moving

three words

active duty army

for 21 years as of this april

my dad has been the happiest tanker alive

and for 17 of them, here i stand

a couple of fun facts for you: i hate the smell of packing tape

movers are often sweaty

and frozen dinners are especially unpleasant

when they’ve already taken your microwave

i’ve been a lot of places

as in

wow you’re new

you came from where?!

oh we don’t say that/act like that/think that’s cool

here and

how dare you try to quantify your worth any other way

i’m not allowed to leave my walls any color but

white

and sometimes i feel like that metaphor is a

little

too

strong

for me

and here i stand

looking back on

grades body moving

like i look back on

texas kentucky georgia california kentucky kansas colorado texas pennsylvania virginia

now i could talk for pages and pages about the shit that stresses me out

and trust me, i have

and i could type

grades body moving

grades body moving

grades body moving

until my fingers fall off

until i’m old and grey and

my grades won’t matter

my body will be failing me anyway

and the nursing home won’t let me move anymore

and i might

when you get caught in

grades body moving grades body moving grades body moving

GRADES

BODY

MOVING

THE CHAOS GETS LOUDER THAN MY HEARTBEAT AND I LOSE MY SENSE OF DIRECTION

AND I CAN SCREAM

AND I HAVE

AND I CAN CRY

AND I DO

BUT I CAN’T SHAKE THIS FEELING THAT I WILL NEVER ESCAPE

GRADES

BODY

MOVING

BECAUSE HOW DARE I TRY TO QUANTIFY MY WORTH ANY OTHER WAY

but in the wake of my episode i’ve come to realize that my

grades body moving

is someone elses

parents money friends

is someone elses

gang affiliation loss education

is someone elses

alcoholism abandonment anxiety

is someone elses

pregnancy depression tuition

is someone elses

i’m writing this on a beach.

i belong to no one.

i am caught between

grades body moving

that can’t hurt me anymore than the flies buzzing around my head

my grades are okay

my body is okay

moving is okay

and i am doing okay

grades body moving

is tough

but so is your

grades body moving

whatever it might be

and so is his

and so is hers

and we can look our collective

grades body moving

in the face

because we’re all facing one

and that

in and of itself

is a gift

for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

(see? grades)

for every feeling there is an equal and opposite feeling

grades

but lose yourself in that rehearsal that you’ve been dying to go to all week

body

but damn girl you look fantastic in those jeans

moving

but i’ve been to 38 states and made friends in all of them,

and just how many have you been to?

everything is awesome

and i really think

rehearsal

that for a lot of people

jeans

this reigns pretty true

38

and let me tell you their secret

they dont think

grades body moving

but

rehearsal jeans 38

and that counts for something

we all have the power to get out from underneath our

grades body moving

and relish in the sweet sunshine of our

rehearsal jeans 38

i struggle with my atlas-sized burden of

grades body moving

just like everybody else

but i cant count the number of times

i was saved by my

rehearsal jeans 38

and i’ve tried

but that number is too damn big

and how dare you try to quantify your worth

 

any

other

way