The Girl I Am Now Misses The One I Once Was

 

I hate the feelings that I feel,

The thoughts that prey upon my brain…

This loneliness I feel - will it ever go away?

 

I really hope to find internal peace,

With the changes that have occurred….

This new person I can’t stand - this new girl whom has spurred.

 

I hate the way you all stare at me,

The longing, judging looks of shame…

These pained expressions - will you ever feel the same?

 

I hate who I’ve become,

The empty heart I carry yearns for constant love…

It wonders if there’s such a place - is there a heaven above?

 

I wish to find my sanity,

This thing like all my certainty has vanished…

My sanity buried sure and deep - where has it been banished?

 

I wish my many fears would leave,

This fear of becoming another stranger and a ghost…

I’m invisible and forgotten - this is perhaps the fear that plagues me most.

 

I hate the idea of being turned into another pessimist,

When optimism was at once my weapon of choice….

I wielded my smile like a sword - it protected a girl with a quiet voice.

 

I really hope to recapture the thing I had been,

A girl who was much softer and easier to love….

This girl I am now -  misses the girl I once was.