Monotony...

Walls...

No Escape...

No Way Out... 

No Way How..

Beginnin to believe, there is no hope...

It’s contagious - 

 

Headphones in, shut it out. Stop the pain.

They think I don’t see in.

But amidst the noise - the backbeats seeking to drown out the world

I hear them...and they haven’t said a word.

 

And I want to get up. To walk over, silence the world for them for a moment and just look them dead in the eyes. 

I wanna say something to break them

..so they can feel again..

...so they can come back to whats real again..

but i dont know what to say

so i stay, and i watch and i wait, for a perfect opportunity that already passed

 

...you see, it’s contagious

my walls are comin up

i’m shuttin down

lookin like i’m jaded so they don’t know i’m scared

 

and i can hear it - the backbeat

sounding like broken hearts beatin up against stone walls

it’s breakin my heart, but i can’t move

no i won’t move - and i’m fallin

blur, block it out

don’t look ‘em in the eye

they all restless

but drown it out

this is life

 

this is day in, day out

how it’s gonna be

don’t breathe...

don’t speak...

buildin’ walls like a fortress

and weakness -ya torch it

 

This is life,

this is restless,

this is dyin in side

so you don’t have to feel

 

Don’t wanna feel the agony

of memories you tried to hide

of hope slowly bein drained - sucked dry- left to die

dont wanna see daddy comin home

wreakin havoc with every minute

dont wanna see momma’s face

tear-stained, purple, black, and blue - after an ER visit

don’t wanna see your friend again, shots ringing out

and you lookin him in the eye as he takes his last breath and forever blacks out

 

you aint got no anchor - don’t trust

in desperation,  reach out if you must

but you know, in time, it will crumble to dust

 

don’t wanna feel 

this is life. 

this is real

this is day-in, day out

how its gonna be

 

so shake it off

shut it out

you ain’t special - this aint new

y’all got memories all locked up in a vault from hell

and the agony is crushin you

the nothingness is suffocating you

but you cant scream, you can’t yell

there’s no one to hear you

cuz no one near you can bear to brake the silence 

that’s breakin you both

 

and I’m here

and I wanna love you 

but I don’t have the strength, no

I don’t have the courage

I’m too afraid

too self-absorbed

to go out of my way

and step into your dark

and lighten it, just a little, with a simple remark

 

and now, once again, the bus has stopped

i see you, broken, just get up and get off

and I’m hopin and prayin

that somewhere down the road

someone, somewhere can pick up where i failed

 

Forgive me.