Flashback to 2014-15
When the darkness comes I am enveloped
I can’t sleep
I can’t talk
I can’t function
Any and all fight leaves my body
The darkness takes me as I am
Chipping piece by piece off my soul
Until I am raw and exposed
My efforts have been in vain
I feel like falling-- no-- I am falling
Down the deep chasm of my life
Slamming onto the floor, breaking every bone in my body
I feel no pain except fro the echoing in my head
“What will they think?” and “I’m sorry”
I tried my hardest, but my best wasn’t enough
Guilt permeates the air
I fall victim to insomnia-- nightmares
Even my dreams are not safe
Memories and voices
Every day I grow even more tired
My life means nothing to me
Life is difficult
It is a series of roads that I and I alone must choose
The darkness follows, riding on my shadow, fighting its way into my body
Death is the easy way out
I will end there whether it is today or several years from now
I am not afraid of death-- I welcome its embrace
How much longer must I live?
I haven’t been living
This life of anxiety and night is all there is
I can end it right here-- right now
I want to
There is no god, and even if there were, I would surely be admitted into hell
He tells me so in every breath
And I know it deep in my soul
There is no happiness in my future