To the child I used to be,

I stare at the picture of you sometimes.

Do you know that feeling

Of walking past someone

And recognizing them, but you cannot

Remember from where?

That is how I feel when I see you.

You are laughing and smiling up

At our grandfather,

His face is probably so clear in your mind,

Yet most days, for me, trying to see him

Is like trying to read a street sign

Through a pair of broken glasses.

 

Sometimes when you have your arms crossed

And an angry scowl across your face

I want to scream at you,

To shake you,

Because I know you threw a pointless tantrum.

Your selfishness knows no limit.

Now listen up,

I want to tell you something very important.

 

That grandfather you hate to visit

Because you're too shy to talk to

Will one day be gone

And you will never get the courage

To learn Greek and make him proud.

 

One day your other grandfather

Will want to take you to the cross on the mountain

And you will, in a childish way,

Complain about a headache

And then regret it

For that is the last time you saw him.

 

One day your grandfather

Will ask you to read him the bible

For he can no longer see the words,

And you will give him a promise

Full of lies.

And then when you get the call

That he has passed

All you will be able to think of

Is what you could’ve done.

 

One day your best friend

Will no longer be waiting at the door

Begging to be let in,

To be walked,

To be loved,

And all you will be able to think of

Is what could’ve been.

 

So yes, sometimes I hate you

Because you are me.

You are the flaws I try to hide

Behind smiles and jokes.

You instill fear into me

Because one day

This person writing this poem

Will be a memory of a stranger

And I don’t want to be her mistake,

Yet most days I fear

I am just making different errors than you.

 

So I will tell you this.

Don’t mind what people think

Because one day we will all

Be dust scattering in the wind

And they won’t be able to judge any longer.

You are not the most important person in the world

So stop demanding people submit their will to yours.

Everyone has the same fears as you,

You are not alone.

Don’t hold on to petty anger

It will just tire you out.

Love even though it will be a double-edged sword

That will cut you without meaning too.

And for your own sake

Never again let fear stop you

From knowing the people you love.

 

To the person I once was,

Know that despite the misgivings

You have caused me

I do love you,

For you have given me unforgettable

Experiences of childhood innocence

And fun.

You allowed me to meet my grandfathers,

To play with my dog

--To become the person I am now.

So what I really want to say is

Thank you.