we are just a bunch of internal chemical reactions
intertwined, performing to our best ability
until we break, disassemble and find rest
i tried to comprehend
slow her down
stretch open her eyelids
before they snap back shut to admire
the beautiful dance that choreographs her existence
she says she can see better in the dark
her demeanor is calm, but there is a technical error
pulsing through the wiring of basic human nature
fight it

your words stick to me as if in 3rd grade you ate nothing but paste
it looked like icing, we all did
but not everyone can make paper-mache sentences that are worthy of blue ribbons
my volcano never had the guts to erupt
and so i stayed dormant behind the kid who built a salt water powered car
who would have thought that tears can take you anywhere but a bathroom stall
your tears were always loudest of all
a litany of tragedies that triggered your fire alarms
your wolf never came around but the rescue teams never questioned your screams
they never questioned your fears
some days you told me the atoms felt like ticking bombs inside your body
but i couldn't imagine god destroying something he had so carefully constructed
some nights you carved map lines into the delicate space between your elbows and your hands
you told me you were carving an escape route
sometimes our maps are upside down
sometimes our hearts make plans
that our bodies cant carry out
you seem to be pushing out breaths faster than they can make home inside your lungs
your ribcage is filled with vacancy signs
how can anyone rest on a field of mines
i said count to ten
you said there isn't enough air to make the bad bearable
and the good attainable
there wasn't enough glue to keep everything together like our parents promised us
maybe because WE ATE IT ALL
my mother told me people like you haven't found jesus yet
which makes me wonder why jesus is lost in the first place
i never read the bible
but the day you told me you have been searching for your soul inside the gaps sharp objects leave behind
i gripped the spine of holy scripture
looking for the pieces that could make you whole
wishing there was a box somewhere with a reference picture that could help me put you back together
do me a favor
stop
living in the darkness of your minds convolutions
folds that only remember nightmares

some days you told me you were waiting for the atoms
to ignite a flame
that would burn all the prisoners contained in your cells

those days
i googled spontaneous combustion
printed out all my research and hid it from my parents
i felt like Bush
responding to your bodies bomb threats