falling into old habits again

it’s so quiet my thought of sin

now tears of red drip down my skin

that made nine, now this for ten.

 

for you had left us way back when

‘they were only babies, no memories’ has been said by him

but i do remember when you were not there

my games, my school, my troubles, my tears you did not hear

because you were gone.

 

my first fight, called into school- you didn’t come

that i felt cruel

my first goal from twenty yards out

your back was turned and away you walked

i did not pout.

i’ll make you proud one day i said.

but that too was all in my head.

 

now i’m here crying these tears.

of read and clear running everywhere

for you know not what i do at night

and i hide them, as not to be in plain sight

you never noticed, you never do.

when all the knives and blades gone too

 

this night will end and some will wake

but few are lucky enough that death does take

that last breath gone, with no more to follow

but what about those who’s hearts have hollowed?

no not dead inside, with depression covered eyes,

but those who have the heart of ice?

 

he never saw he shed a tear

for i do not care of him or fear-

fear his word ive grown to despise

for now i know they are only lies-

lies of ‘i cant’ and i’im sorry dear’

for all they do is take this relationship and tear-

tear the trust, and the love- which i never knew-

for i’ve been alone with no man to trust

so i- tonight shall be a lucky one too

 

with my last breath to be a word of profane

’ a pitiful man, had everyone to love

but all thy did was shove and shove’

now jackass go away, and leave me in peace

dying tonight.. for i need some sleep.

 

now all has left believing her not

the cold of the razor against her skin- hot

1-2-3 and she pressed deep

my last night caused a smile to keep-

on her face and then the lights dimmed

good night all, good night world she sung in a hymn.