Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud.
My heart races at the thought of seeing you,
But it beats even faster at the sight of you.
I think today will be the day that I talk to you.
But we just pass each other in the halls,
Not even so much as a glance, and my heart aches.
I instantly fill my head with reasons why I am not good enough.
I am not skinny or beautiful, so how could a creature,
So magnificent and gorgeous like yourself ever look my way?
I go home and begin beating myself up over these thoughts.
Most of the time the pain inside matches the pain that I force.
But lately the pain inside can’t even begin to match it.
So I dress in crappy clothes, and never look in the mirror.
What is the use, when you don’t even look my way?
I think I am finding a light now.
They tell me there are ways to get rid of that pain without force.
I learned to find something great about myself and focus on that.
It is what is keeping me from crying every day in your presents.
I think I am falling in love, but no it isn’t with you.
It is with the greatest person, on earth: Me.
I am the only one standing in my way, and I am the only one
That I should be worried about.
You see the problem isn’t you, it was something that I made
My brain make up, and wasn’t ever to grasp that fact.
I have outlived my darkest days, and now I can survive anything.
So when my heart goes: thud, thud, thud
Know it is because of you, but this time I will keep my head up
Even if you don’t look my way, because I know differently.
I know that I may not be skinny or model like,
But I am beautiful and confident now, and that is deadly.
Deadly to the figment of my imagination of us.