I’m sitting and thinking of all that I’ve been through

I’m sitting and thinking and a lot of it’s about you

I don’t know what I’m doing by writing this now

But there is just so much that I need to get out

This is not written in any certain way

Rhyming is just easier to say what I need to say

I miss your presence

Your smile

Your touch

I miss everything about you so very much

Your laugh

Your jokes

Your big-kid ways

And my personal favorite,

The “that’s your boyfriend” days

Time has gone by since we decided to part

And every day it’s taken a toll on my heart

Instead of listening to my heart,

I fill my mind with lies

“What’s in the past, is the past”

But not when I close my eyes

I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding my feelings

And masking how I truly feel

But I’m tired of depriving myself of these feelings

So I’m ready to give you my spiel

I want to tell you how sorry I am

For everything I put you through

I know nobody is perfect

But I could have been much better to you

I can’t believe the choices I made,

The way that I acted and the things I said.

I’m ashamed and embarrassed

And wish it wasn’t true,

I wish I hadn’t been this way towards you.

Who I was and who I am now,

Are two different people

And I couldn’t be more proud

After this year full of struggle,

I’m finally being set free

After all of this pain,

I’m finally seeing God’s plan for me

I messed up the first couple tries, you see

But I understand now,

This has all been a set up for Plan C

What about Plan A and B you may say?

Well those didn’t quite go the right way

“A” was the plan God gave me to start

What happened next was up to me,

He can only play his part.

I was going down the path

But somewhere I got lost

My heart was frozen over with ice, cold frost

I became selfish with my thinking

Me, Myself, and I

That’s all I was concerned about,

I pushed you to the side

I kept thinking about this life I have ahead of me

“Young, Wild, and Free” was all I wanted to be

Selfish, foolish, and reckless is all that I was

Instead of fireworks, our relationship was full of duds.

Little did I know that that “our” last day,

Closed the door on “my” Plan A

Next came lonely Plan B,

It was a life full of only me

It was great at first, doing whatever I liked

But instead of a walk on the beach, life turned into a hike

I made choices: some good, majority bad

I did things I wish I never had.

Not knowing where my life would land,

I turned towards God and he took my hand.

“For all things can be done through Christ who strengthens me”

Is a quote that I have had on nonstop repeat

My faith in God is larger than the tallest mountain is high

I can’t quite explain in words, but I can only try

He has helped me through things you would not even believe

He has guided me through everything and brought me relief

I know you think I may be going through a “phase”

But the me you once knew, is no longer the case

I go to church every Sunday because I want to

I love singing and worshiping God with others that do

I’ve confessed my love for God, he’s made me new

And a huge part of this is because of you

As much as I wish you could have been by my side

God only gave me one ticket to this personal ride

There’s no way I would have come this far

If God had not given us our time apart

I truly feel that without my time alone

I would not be the woman I stand to show

I can only hope that our paths will cross again

So we can walk down the same path hand in hand

This is my topic of prayer quite a bit

But it will only happen if God sees it fit

And if lovers we are not meant to be

Friendship is what I would love to see

Not a day goes by where you don’t enter my mind

It’s getting harder and harder the more time that goes by

I’m not good with words

I have so much more to say

I’ve literally been working on this the entire day

Boy, you have filled my head

I still have so much I wish I could have said

I would love to see you whenever I can

If you’re free sometime soon, let’s make a plan

Not to talk about the past and our mistakes

Not to talk about the dreaded things we hate

All that my heart wants to do

Is to smile and enjoy company from you