Lily was 14 years old when it started.
To her family, she was beautiful, funny, kind, and smart.
But, to everyone at school, she was stupid, ugly, and fat.
She had one friend named Grace.
The two girls were inseparable.
The way people at school treated her made her feel broken, unrepairable.
She went to therapists,
Hoping that talking about the pain would make the pain go away,
Even for just a little while.
Lily tried diet after diet,
Hoping if she lost weight people would keep quiet.
But that did not work.
Since the therapy did not work,
Lily cut herself.
She had heard it was wrong, and bad for you,
But how bad could it really be?
It started out just a couple times a week.
Yes, it hurt,
But it felt less bad than the pain of words.
Eventually, a couple of times a week was not enough.
So Lily moved to cutting everyday.
Lily dyed her hair, pierced her face many times, started wearing dark clothes.
Grace sensed something was going on.
She poked and prodded,
To find out why her friend was so different.
Lily pushed Grace out of her life.
She knew the reason Grace got made fun of was because of her.
She gets it now.
No one wants to be friends with the stupid, ugly, fat girl.
Those words ran through her mind, as though on Repeat.
Stupid, ugly, fat.
Stupid, ugly, fat.
You hear something enough times,
You start to believe it.
It is not a lie, if you believe it.
That’s what happened to Lily.
After things could not get any worse, they got worse.
Messages on Facebook.
There was nowhere Lily was safe.
In the safety of her room she was made to feel worthless.
“Just kill yourself and save the air for the rest of us,” they would say.
After the cyberbullying began,
The cutting changed from once a day to more frequently.
She would risk being late or even skipping classes to cut.
Lily became addicted,
Addicted to harming herself to take away the pain of words.
Every place on her arms and thighs bore evidence of her pain.
Still, she could not get the pain to go away.
So she did something else,
Lily began taking drugs.
When she was high,
It felt like there was nothing wrong in the world.
One day while she was high, she got this idea.
Maybe she should just end it all.
She had put her parents through enough.
It had to be hard having a daughter that’s stupid, ugly, and fat.
So that’s what she did.
Three days later, she got high.
Lily knew she would not have the courage to go through with it, unless she was.
Before doing anything she wrote a letter.
It said, “Words hurt. Remember all those times you told me I should just kill myself and save the air for the rest of you? Your wish is coming true.”
Then she stuck the gun to her head, and pulled the trigger.
Lily left behind family and friends that loved her.
Everyone wanted to talk to her about what was going on, too late.
She pushed them all away.
Everyone who loved her came to her funeral.
The girl who felt like she had nobody,
Left everyone in tears.
Mom became depressed and quit her job,
Dad turned to drink to dull the pain.
Too late. Too late.
Stupid, ugly, and fat.