Women in My Family
Women in my family dream of gentleman
tender and loving but fall for brutes
whose vice like demeanor asphyxiates
our self respect
Who else will love us?
We demand
because he loves us, he holds us, he kisses us
on occasion
when its convenient
when he's drunk
Guys who swear they're men
but act like boys
leaving us women to carry twice the responsibility
and with both of our worlds resting up there
our shoulders can't summon the strength
to shove off his smothering love.
Even if we wanted to.
We are made to believe it's our fault.
If we had loved more
laughed more
not been "such a bitch"
when our biggest crime is sitting patiently,
waiting for our rescue
waiting for someone who's love won't hurt
who's love is not tainted by dreams
of other women prettier, thinner, nicer, easier.
Not tainted by the lies
the simple acts concealed
as if our hearts couldn't take
one more ounce of hurt.
As if the truth might break us
or worse
give us the strength to leave.
"I won't do it again." turns into
"It just kind of happened." becomes
"I'm sorry." devolves into
"Why are you still upset? Get over it"
and it never ends
a restless cycle driven by the belief
that we don't deserve love.
because we're not enough
ad we'll take what we can get.
This unfulfilling love
fills a temporary emptiness
like a gasp of air
between waves of loneliness
when all we have to do is kick
push
flail.
We'll drown if we don't get out
but we were never taught to swim.