I am tired
Tired of reaching out to thin air
Of Searching for you in all the spaces you should have been
of hearing of you
But never from you
Of expecting more than the nothing I have always received
I am tired of the distance
Tired of being the only one who ever tried to lessen the gap
So now unmoving
I stand in the distance
Silent
Listening for the sound of your steps
Watching for the frame of your figure
Breathing for the smell of your smoke
Reaching for rough hands that look like mine
but feel like yours
I have closed my eyes
Shut my ears
And suffocated
Trying to erase your existence
To put out the final embers of expectations
Trying to burn out all that is left of us
So Tired of all the things that remind me of you
But still
On heavy legs
I stand here
In the stillness of empty air
Knowing
That in the darkest days
The final hours
In the end of all there is
you will never come