this is so easy now 

not caring  

nothing hurts  

I just let go  

and I'm gone.   

 

who needs the drugs 

the booze  

the techno wail of a crazy party 

when I can live  

in this quiet corner of my mind?  

 

and ignore it all  

who cares about the thin,thin threads  

that hold my life togethor?  

people tell me to start living my own life 

but I can't.   

I am those thin threads  

and if I break  

it all goes.   

 

mother calls me good luck charm  

and I feel my soul slowly dying.  

the cards were dealt the way they are 

and I've been bluffing all my life. 

best poker face is not one at all  

 

I am torn and tossed within my head  

outside blank... gone.  

this is not giving up  

this is acceptance   

this is trying to ignore the small voice  

that screams Fight! Fight! Fight!  

this is not drowning in sorrow  

this is relaxing into it  

and floating  

letting the waves toss you  

sun burn you   

it was inevitable.  

 

And I hate this feeling more than anything.

 

I am in the middle of the storm  

floating,  

gliding,  

peaceful,  

placid, 

waiting for the other side 

I am only half way  

this mental numb

 will wear off soon 

and all I can do is wait.