Will of Fire

Alex undresses in the bathroom

Water running in the shower

He glances up;

In that mirror of truth

Hanging;

On the bathroom wall;

Continuously reminding him

“I won’t be accepted in a world

filled to the brim with hatred.”

Towards something they are ignorant about

He stands there,

Nude

The inevitable sickness in the pit of his stomach

Disgust

Ashamed

Missing

Empty

Memories of long ago…

Flashing inside his mind;

Recalling everything,

The taunting,

The pain,

The loneliness,

Those fives years of bullying

Of hell...!

Just for being the person

He wanted to be

Free from the oppressiveness of society

Free from the cage he was born with

Free from the fear of being killed outside his home

And live the life he was meant to live

Even if he isn’t in the right body

He just stands there,

Tears running down his face

Pondering why the world has to be

So cold

So ruthless

So negative

Toward him

People label him as ‘not right’

As a sin in religious beliefs 

Like an ‘Abomination’ that should be cleansed

Like removing the chaff from the wheat

What the right-wing conservatives try to cure

But he can’t be cured!

He can’t change who he is!

Even if he tried!

Even if he wanted to!

Why?

Why can’t they accept that?

Why must they make him conform by gender roles?

By telling him, "You were born a girl, be a girl."

 

He just continues to stare

Looking at the cage

He was born with

Those tears still rolling down

Like an open faucet

Wishing he wasn’t born this way

Wishing he could be normal

A normal boy

Thoughts rushing into his head

Telling him he should end it

He should give in

No one is going to love you

He grabs the knife next to him

The strife against his flesh

Cutting away

Cutting away

Breaking down

Like a ball and chain dragging him down

Into the depths of the ocean

Suffocating him

And no one to save him

Something Snaps

He stops

Moments away from the vein

From salvation

A voice

A voice in his head

“Don’t do it.”

“Don’t do it.”

He lowers his hand

The knife falls

Alex sinks to the floor

Suffocating inside

Hoping that someone would save him

And not a minute too late

He feels the suffocation dissipate

The water in his lungs leave him

As someone grabs his hand

pulls him out of the dark waters

He slowly stands up and wipes the tears away

With fire in his eyes 

Not just an ordinary fire

But the will of fire to carry on

The will to never surrender

Guide that inspired this poem: 

Comments

cristianamcmullen

this poem is so unbelievably beautiful...the sense of hopelessness and sorrow and despair, followed by the surge of power...i was crying at the end. i was truly moved by this poem. beautiful work.

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