Will of Fire
Alex undresses in the bathroom
Water running in the shower
He glances up;
In that mirror of truth
Hanging;
On the bathroom wall;
Continuously reminding him
“I won’t be accepted in a world
filled to the brim with hatred.”
Towards something they are ignorant about
He stands there,
Nude
The inevitable sickness in the pit of his stomach
Disgust
Ashamed
Missing
Empty
Memories of long ago…
Flashing inside his mind;
Recalling everything,
The taunting,
The pain,
The loneliness,
Those fives years of bullying
Of hell...!
Just for being the person
He wanted to be
Free from the oppressiveness of society
Free from the cage he was born with
Free from the fear of being killed outside his home
And live the life he was meant to live
Even if he isn’t in the right body
He just stands there,
Tears running down his face
Pondering why the world has to be
So cold
So ruthless
So negative
Toward him
People label him as ‘not right’
As a sin in religious beliefs
Like an ‘Abomination’ that should be cleansed
Like removing the chaff from the wheat
What the right-wing conservatives try to cure
But he can’t be cured!
He can’t change who he is!
Even if he tried!
Even if he wanted to!
Why?
Why can’t they accept that?
Why must they make him conform by gender roles?
By telling him, "You were born a girl, be a girl."
He just continues to stare
Looking at the cage
He was born with
Those tears still rolling down
Like an open faucet
Wishing he wasn’t born this way
Wishing he could be normal
A normal boy
Thoughts rushing into his head
Telling him he should end it
He should give in
No one is going to love you
He grabs the knife next to him
The strife against his flesh
Cutting away
Cutting away
Breaking down
Like a ball and chain dragging him down
Into the depths of the ocean
Suffocating him
And no one to save him
Something Snaps
He stops
Moments away from the vein
From salvation
A voice
A voice in his head
“Don’t do it.”
“Don’t do it.”
He lowers his hand
The knife falls
Alex sinks to the floor
Suffocating inside
Hoping that someone would save him
And not a minute too late
He feels the suffocation dissipate
The water in his lungs leave him
As someone grabs his hand
pulls him out of the dark waters
He slowly stands up and wipes the tears away
With fire in his eyes
Not just an ordinary fire
But the will of fire to carry on
The will to never surrender