They say they don’t understand

I don’t understand either

They send me to the therapist and the therapist says to open up more

But I just put myself in a social situation and spilled my guts about my family

I leave not feeling better

But not feeling worse

I leave with no hope

But I didn’t come with any

I lie down into bed and when I’m tired in the morning they tell me to sleep

But how can I sleep when I demon called Insomnia whispers lies into my ear

Would you be able to sleep

Why should I

I get up and go to school when some days but I’d rather not

Why would anyone in such pain want to leave their only shield

Why would someone throw themselves into awkward social situations

Why would I break my bruised bones to get out of bed and go to a place I don’t want to be at

I don’t want to leave my bed let alone leave my room let alone leave my house

I don’t want to eat

I don’t to write

I don’t want to talk

I don’t want to “hang out”

I just want to sleep!

And when I say I’m tired I don’t mean physically exhausted

I mean mentally

I mean I’m sick of taking everyone problems and fixing them

I’m tired of listening

I just want to cry in my room

I want someone to hold me

No not you

A friend

A boy

I need to know there are people other than my parents that love me

Other than sister or my cat or my dog

I need to know that when I have a bad day

I will always have a shoulder to cry on

So I’ll say it again

Why would I leave my only shield when I’m feeling miserable

Why would I throw myself into awkward social situations

Why would I break my already broken bruised bones to get out of bed and go to a place I don’t want to be at

And you need to understand that it’s hard to have fun when people want you to have fun and you know you should be having fun but you can’t seem to have fun and fun doesn’t seem so fun anymore so you don’t want to have fun!

Why would I get out of bed when I’m tired

Why would I go to school and have a social anxiety attack

Why would I break my broken and bruised bones to go to a place I will never get out of

Why would I walk myself to my own personal hell

Why would I do all that

When I could just curl up and cry?