Why I want to win


Why I want to win

God knows. 
He's knows everything.
From my literal dreams conscious or unconscious.
To  the moment my eyes lay upon the rising sun.
He knows my past and my struggles and he knows that I'm not perfect. 
Growing up I've lost it. 
I was once filled with that unexplainable joy and happiness. Then some how decisions made things weltering. My mom did not care to understand why me And my sister went from playing with each other all the time to " what happen sis"? She fell first, my step father was inappropriate and it got the best of her. She held it in for years, shoot not even I found out till years after. My mother looked at us as if, if we told her everything was okay it really was and she moved on. But in my mind wouldn't you notice when your own Children's  personalities change from fluttering to brokenness?
My sister became mean and my mother you can tell was unhappy. Moving across life as if it was meant to be. 
I was innocent until manipulation of boys thoughts came around. I never felt so much affection as a child so when I received it from boys at the age of 12 it was desire. Oh this desire boy did it ruin me. The Devil used it to take the best of me. And so he did, when my prayers stopped hell was all around me. I found myself around everyone that wasn't one with me. My happiness was first to go, then my self esteem followed. The devil thought if I let myself get weak enough that, he's almost got me. And so it was true I was gone for a while , years went by I even forgot how to smile. I said "lord save me" but I felt as if my cry was so far out his way. Years pass and it's still a struggle. I called his name and eventually, Eventually he sent his people, one by one, strangers even preached to me. Sounded like they were the voice of God speaking through their bodies. It took so much time but I did not give up. The devil was not about to win again. We win when we're strong. Don't give in, keep trying. Eventually the work you put in will turn into Glory. And here I am, up and down up and down but life has definitely gotten Better  because now I know I'm STRONGER. God knows what he's doing. He turned a fragile young girl into, a woman with a backbone. I'm not perfect and I accept that. Though I am working to be grown. Grown with intellect, respect and dignity. To be loyal and honest and not spoiled. I have fallen but I will get back up again.
Why I want to win:


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