I’m trying but time is moving. I'm stuck in a quicksand because the quicker I try to move on the faster I fall into the pit that I’ve become all too familiar with. It’s as if something is preventing me from moving past you. I've begun to feel like I’m a car stuck on reverse.  Thinking it is going forward but he’s actually moving backward. Seeing all the memories I made with you. And watching them become clouded with the knowledge that ill never get to make more memories with you. Mentally it is taxing me and making me want to give up. To make it worse now the same heart that use to only beat for you is now stuck in a slump in this miserable place. Where part of it still thinks there’s an us. While the rest of me is also telling me to let go. I would love to move past you. I want to forget those perfect eyes that shine down on me. I want to forget that smile that beckons me for a kiss while also laugh at my funny yet weird jokes. And those facial gestures that are like a recipe to you. Screaming I'm so confused by what you just said with a hint of love and understanding But, my heart won't let me. I guess it because even though you left me you still have the only key to it. There’re no spares. So now instead of moving past you, I’m just here in pain with the heart that contains a hole that used to hold the love I felt for you and a mind that constantly thinks of ways I could’ve made it work. Saying things as such as “I should’ve tried harder” or “Maybe if I would’ve given her more space”. The agony has begun to beat me ragged.  so what do I do now I just lay down and take the blows. and then just call it a day. Some say I should get up and fight it back. To those people, I say how do you fight something when the reason you fought for so long doesn’t even want you to spare for their love? besides its already too hard to fight when your already dead on the inside and feeling the blows from life are refreshing. They remind you that you’re not as dumb as you thought and can actually feel pain. Funny thing is I still fight in the hopes that ill make another way back to you because the normal route is under maintenance from the damaged I caused. So I try to think of alternative methods to you. Well, I would but, right now my heart hurts because it keeps thinking of you and keeps trying to put you first In everything that I do. so now it’s like my heart is blue clues and I’m just waiting for a letter from you but, all the letter does is just confirm what I believe is true. Because it tells me to do what I feared. Which is to get over you. You ruined me. But, i guess its up to me to pick up the pieces of me and become whole around the hole that you left not just in my life but in my heart too...