I don’t have a whole lot,

but what I do have is something cherished beyond compare.

I know that it doesn’t have the feel of grandeur or elegance,

but I don’t think I’ll apologize for that.

You’ll see me.

You’ll see a teenage girl fast approaching adulthood.

You’ll see a victim and a tormentor.

You’ll see a round face, freckled with a little bit of acne,

framed my dyed red hair that’s fading.

You’ll see what my friend called ocean eyes

that seem to hold equal parts of pain,

sadness,

Anger,

Hope,

and happiness.

You’ll notice that I act a little immature,

but that’s because I grew up so fast that now all I want to is have the childhood I missed.

You’ll see a girl who was hospitalized multiple times for suicide ideation and attempts.

Time and time again

I tried and no one saw.

You’ll see the pain and the hurt I feel because I couldn’t ever be good enough.

You’ll see the temper, the crooked nose I was born with,

the hands that couldn’t stop something bad happening to the rest of me.

You’ll see that my parents think I am defiant,

but I don’t try to be, I just want to be free.

Free of all expectations,

of dancing around my bonfire of a mother,

who with all honesty probably gave me a lot of my fire.

I want to be free of living where I have to be practical.

I want to scream and shout because it’s over, because I survived!!

I don’t want to be quiet for the simple fact that the last time I was quiet, bad things happened.

I am hopeful now.