i. When you first fall in love with him, from the depths of hell he has risen, and there are things that he will say and do that you will never be able to understand. Don’t even try to baby girl, it’ll only break your heart.
ii. When you fall in love with the devil, you will not notice at first. To you, he’ll be an angel, a savior, a greater being. And you must remember that he once was sitting at the right hand of the Father: laughing and praying and partying with all of the other angels. It will be everything you ever dreamed about, everything you’ve ever wanted in a relationship. He will seem kind and sweet and perfect. And he is, at least for a while. At least with you. You are his queen, for now.
iii. Ask him about what happens when you pass on, if the punishments of his realm are worth the priceless memories that God has named sins and that life has given us the opportunity to partake in. Inquire about what happened to the universe, what might happen in the future, and if he has loved other girls that looked like you. (He has, you remind him of his long ago mama, and she was the only one that could control him, but she was a celestial being, and you are merely a mortal, girlie. You cannot give him what she was able to.) Do not ask about God, or what it was like to be cast away in anger from the most forgiving being in the galaxy. Do not ask about why your daddy left when you were three, or why your best friend was killed by a drunk driver. Do not put yourself in a position to be a soldier in a war that you know nothing about, and would not be able to fight in even if you understood what was going on under the surface.
iv. In an English class that you are taking for pure pleasure, there will be a lesson on mythology and the supernatural, including tales of your beloved. She will tell you of every name that most mortals spit like poison into the mind of your favorite person, and you will recall how you whisper these as forbidden names, as a comfort to him, for the pure fact that you believe he should be shown that pain can be turned into a good thing. You will only be able to think about how the tears well up in his eyes as you whisper, “Lucifer” in the same way that other girls would gasp, “daddy.” Flashing in front of your eyes are the horns that he puts away only for you, of the pain that he causes himself to ensure that you will not be harmed during your play time. You will see the scars that have been inflicted on his body because of the anger that God had toward his own creation, but no one else will ever speak of that. When your teacher asks you a question, you will not notice, and your cheeks will burn red when she asks where your mind had wandered off to. You excuse yourself to cry about the fact that he hasn’t come to visit in awhile.
v. Sometimes he disappears for months on end. But still you wait, for he is the only one that you want in this life. When he returns, he carries roses and pomegranates, the flowers and fruit of love and the dead. (At times, it is beautiful to be in love with the devil, and others it is pure hell.) You see the new scars that have appeared on the softest parts of his body, the hairline marks tracing his neck and inner thighs, along with the new marks on his chest. No words come out of your mouth as he summons you to him, and he holds you in his arms as his breath becomes ragged, yet neither of you cry, it will do no good for you baby girl, and someone who witnesses and inflicts as much pain as Hades will shed no tears over what has happened this time, or any other time. His arms wrap tightly around your body and his head and lips nuzzle your neck. He sits unmoving for hours just taking it all in, without you moving and without complaint.
vi. When the two of you fight the entire world is engulfed in a war. The stars are off, and the world is on edge, knowing that there is something evil brewing under the surface. You see on the news that inactive volcanoes have suddenly erupted, and you know it is the work of him. The ocean stirs with fury, and the tropical storm hits your area hard. As you watch the waters take away your entire life, but narrowly escaping your front door. You scream and shout and shatter the mirror he gave you for your 21st birthday. (What’s seven more years of bad luck after what’s already happened?) You want him to return to as you scream “AT LEAST BE ENOUGH OF A MAN TO TAKE IT OUT ON ME, TO SAY SOMETHING TO MY FACE YOU SON OF A BITCH.” The weathermen talk for days about the catastrophes, yet they don’t even know about the true tragedy. You turn off the TV and do anything you can to forget how he felt, how he smelled, how he loved you. He will not return for another two weeks.
vii. When he does finally show up at your doorstep, his hand goes immediately to your throat, taking the breath from your lungs as you gasp with the pressure. “How dare you call me such names beautiful,” he growls your ear as you start to become fatigued from loss of oxygen. Fingers ease off your throat as you drop to the ground panting. A foot comes into contact with your stomach. Hard. “I trust you’ll be smarter next time my queen.” “Yes sir,” you are able to whimper as he smirks above you. Your body is raised off of the cold, hard floor as he flings you onto the bed and removes your clothes, taking you as his own. You hold back the tears because people like you don’t cry, you and him have that much in common. No matter how hard life gets, you don’t cry. You take it and move on.
viii. Baby girl, when you fall for the devil, you don’t understand you were truly falling: deep down this black hole you would never be able to return from. And when you did finally notice, it was far too late to turn back. You are his until he kills you. When you fall in love with the devil, you have made your choice, without even knowing that you have any options. When you fall in love with the devil, he will name you his queen. And this ‘marriage’ between you and him? Not til death death do you part, but til death bring you forever together. When you go, you will descend to the right hand of the mighty Lucifer, and he will crown you with your own horns, a jeweled present to adorn them, and your very own wings. Cuz when you fell in love with the devil, you fell in love with destroying yourself too.