What is the meaning?

Wed, 12/10/2014 - 23:34 -- LilaR

Hatred. 

What is the meaning?
It is often used, just like the word Love.
What is love?
There seems to be various ways of using those two words.
But in the end, it has no significance.
 
How could one simple word make a huge difference?
It overtakes people, even the strongest ones.
I have been thinking lately, what would life be without those two words. 
How would we live...
I imagen it to be better then it is now.
Hatred leads to war. 
Love leads to a broken soul.
No one can escape the words wrath as it evolves through the years.
The weak ones, like me, can only stand so much breaking, bending, beat downs until we collapse.
The tough ones have better control but can only defend so much until they too collapse.
 
That is how it is now. 
Right here. In my house.
I do not know what to do, but stand by and let things happen.
I want to stand up tall and show im not afraid, but in the end i know they would only laugh.
I person can wish for many things but it never comes true.
I know i am unappreciative but what can i do? 
Im stubborn.
People see me and think i can take things on...if only they can see how i really am inside. 
Im broken.
Not willing to seek help, for it will only mean im weak and an embarassment to my family.
Ha. 
That word, Family.
What does it actually mean? 
A group simply living together?
A married couple with kids?
Related by blood or marriage?
No.
Family are those who are with you through your ups and downs.
Through think and thin.
Not just there and tolerate your bullshit.
Family wants the best for you. 
Help you achieve the impossible.
Never judging but understanding.
 
My so called sisters, they only ignore me.
Some say im pathetic, some say an embaressment, some just dont listen.
My mother, god i love her so much, but she doesnt listen either. 
Caught up with what she wished i would have turned out to be. 
My father, he has always held a high standard for us even if he didnt show it so much. 
You could tell its there. 
My brother, spoiled to the bottom of his soul. 
I try and try to give him pointers in life but i never seem to reach his mind.
In the end im the dissapointment and always will be.
Ive thought of leaving, oh so many times, but in the end i never can.
For no matter how bad they seem, they are my so called family.
 
Maybe one day i will have the guts to actually get up and leave and never for no reason ever come back. 
It hurts me to say this but my family have caused me my broken self. 
I could be depressed.
Suicidal.
Completely broken.
But id rather carry it to my grave then ever admit it to anyone. 
So whats hatred?
It is something that materialized deep inside me and is only growing bigger.
And as for love.
That died a while back.
It breaks my heart even more to actually realize that i may actually never be able to actually love a person. 
For i will always have hatred for the life i live.
Call my stubborn, unappreciative, stupid, pathetic, or a waste basket. 
For i dont care what anyone has to say about me anymore.

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