What kind of monster am I? What kind of monster am I? His skinny lips parted as his incoherent drool slithered out of his mouth.

“You have AIDS and you go to school with children. You’re putting them all in danger! What kind of monster are you?”

The stupid hit me so hard it knocked my jaw loose and the words just seemed to drop out like a 19 year old in his junior year of high school. I lined the pistol and took quick shots. Rapid fire.

How dare you call me a monster you little B-asterisk-asterisk-C-H!? You stupid MUTHER-F-asterisk-asterisk-K-E-R! Don’t call me a monster you piece of S-asterisk-asterisk-T! I punched back with a fistful of profanity laced passion and his response…

“Well let’s just agree to disagree..”

It was at that moment I hated him. I HATED HIM! I hated his voice. I hated his soul. I hated the hairs that lined his chin and the freckles on the tip of his nose! Pure unhinged hate! Then I realized… I was wrong. What kind of monster am I? How could I hate someone so much? I hate when something makes you reflect on your actions. Life is the worst kind of selfie… no filter. So I told the patient little behemoth… no, let’s agree to agree.

I am a monster and if you wanna know what kind, I’m more than happy to tell you. His interest piqued. He felt he had won. I looked him in his eyes. He had some pretty ones too. I hate when awful people have blatantly good features. I stared at him and hoped he didn’t notice the lump in my throat as I swallowed my pride.

“Mr. Insert Generic White Guy Name Here, I’ll have you know I am a monster. The kind of monster that plots his revenge as he’s saying sorry. I’m the kind of monster that gives karma a day off because I’m so odd, I’m obsessed with getting even. I’m the kind of monster that says horrible words just so I can snatch the power away from them. A monster that knows how thick his beastly hide is so he isn’t afraid to prey on those more fragile.I’m the kind of monster that rejects innocence because it bores me. A monster that might kill dreams just to kill time. I’m a monster that will purge you of your child-like infatuations and replace them with my favorite nightmares just because I think, sharing is caring!

Am I the kind of monster that kills, rapes, and steals? Of course not. But I’ve gone up to the counter a couple of times and picked my poison. I’ve drank the grapes of wrath and tasted profound bitterness. I’ve lied. I’ve cheated. I’ve dragged people through the dirt and I know misery loves company. I hate…

But I also love. I’ve partied with demons but believe me, I’ve danced with angels. Don’t you dare judge me. Don’t you dare judge the contents of this open book when you’ve only seen the movie! Maybe this horror film is missing a little gore and a protagonist worth rooting for but that’s fine. That’s the kind of monster I am. A human one. One that feels contempt and misery. Sadness and shame. Love and joy. Tenderness and empathy.

You may be looking at me like some crazy fruit loop but know they don’t make fruit loops in one color. You want to see my glory, you have to see my scars. You wanna judge these scars you have to read the story on the back.

Can I be a monster? Yes. Am I the one you’re thinking? No. But a I a monster? Yes, it is true! Now out of curiosity, what kind of monster are you?”