We Are All One

I can't help but ask myself why whenever something occurs. Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? So many questions just run through my mind. Now all my life this has been going on between my father being a drug addict, my mother having bipolar disorder, and the being adopted by a family who I barely knew, everything is just a constant struggle. I don't know whether they were just lessons that needed to be learned or if my life was just meant to be a constant struggle. To this day not a day goes by where I am not stressed out beyond belief. My relationship, my life, every second of everyday revolves around my mother and making sure she has what she wants and needs. When you do everything in your power to make sure everybody else is happy, you start to forget that your happiness is important to. Everyone that I have ever lived has left me my mother my father my siblings, and after going through this you can't help but think that you're just meant to be alone and that you're not worthy of anything. That you'll never be good enough for anybody. Of course being overweight and the epitome of insecure doesn't help. Today's society looks at me like I'm a mutant that doesn't belong because I'm not a size 2. I can't even walk out of my house without spending 2 hours trying to look somewhat decent by burning my hair til it's straight and putting a pound of makeup on my face. I hate doing it I wish I could just go out as just be me. But I feel like I have to play the part of a puppet in today's society or else I would be shunned. Well perhaps I already have been because I'm not a clone of what beauty standards say I should be. I've been in a relationship for 2 years with a guy who treats me like I'm a queen who I couldn't live a day without and who would literally take the shirt off of his back before I go without anything I want or need. And yet I still have trust issues I'm still insecure and I still can't help but think in the back of my mind that one day he is going to leave me like everybody else. For a person who has so much why can't I just be confident for once in my life. When things starts going great and I start feeling happy with a drop of a hat everything starts going downhill. But despite everything I look back day by day and have no regrets because everything I go through makes me stronger each and everyday maybe not confident and happy with myself but I'm still able to make the people that I love and care about happy. Maybe I will never live up to beauty standards but I do have people that love and care about me just the way that I am and maybe other people do not understand that because they don't see how I can be loved but I will be the one who reaches my goals instead of getting pregnant, doing drugs "poppin mollys", and drinking every night. While I may not be perfect on the outside on the inside I know that one day somebody somewhere will be jealous and say hey maybe looks don't matter. From me to everyone out their everyone is beautiful, smart, gorgeous, and talented in their own way, and never let anyone bring you down. Because in the end we all have insecurities, doubts, sins, regrets, and the need to love and be loved, and most importantly we are all people we are all one


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