I have always thought that one day it would eventually get easier for me to be able to express myself exactly the way I really feel inside to someone that I truly hold close to my heart, but I was absolutely wrong! I found out that all the feelings you have inside I thought that they will eventually just fade away, and everything will be alright.
But,..... that's when I come to realize that,
As faces turn and twist about
Cold Expressions float around
So many souls, with nowhere to go
They’re so lost in this upside down home
Aren’t they all just putting on a show?
As I wait my turn in like, getting ready for a go
It feels my heart is wrapped in this bine
They say, Hope is the last to abandon the mind
Well if I’m so broken, where is my hope?
Where has she gone, I don’t understand
I’m slowly descending to the land of the damned
My skin feels so cold as I slowly cry
Sticks and stones could make me die
When anger is to impart
Spiteful words can hurt your feelings and tear u apart
But silence can break your heart
In this domain, no words are spoken
No hearts are beating
No laughing or crying
Only agony and pain are what sit in these depths
Up on Earth I felt so alive
No one knows me
This place sounds so terrible
But you know what’s got me sold?
Maybe I’ll find some warmth in this hell
Deep down in this humble abode
So as I am going on this journey make sure to follow along.
In the end I promise you will be very pleased you red my dialog!
The next time we meet depending on how
I try telling myself just a little while longer.
Two years never felt so long.
I have this pain in my chest.
That won't go away no matter.
How hard I pray.
It won't go away
I can feel myself getting weaker.
I could barely stay awake if it wasn't for this pain.
I dream such sweet dreams.
Only because my reality is anything but…what you'd expected it to be.
I'm 34 turning 35 in this strange world of love and hate.
Always been an outcast.
Never fully fit in.
Special to you is a cruise to me.
Don't lie to my face.
It's wrong when you hold me telling me everything will be okay.
Knowing very damn well it never will be.
Amazed as I look up at this star filled sky wondering.
When will it be my turn to be loved?
A question that seems to go unanswered,
As I cry myself to sleep every night holding my pillow tight.
Only to wake up and face those hate filled eyes as I walk into the store in this town where they all hate on me and look at me with a frown
Begging and pleading please let this be a dream.
Just someone wake me up from this nightmare that's called my life
Let this all be just one big nightmare.
My momma left me she hurt me real bad she told Nathan that he was my dad, 14 years ago
i could of been left in the cold winter snow but instead i lived and i met my real dad
and yes it was sad ,cause i didn't understand, now i see why my momma didn't want him
to take care of me ,cause we the same person . Yes i understand what she did was
wrong and when i was little so much happened i cant explain. My dad wont understand
what happened to me he cant understand it never happened to him so why would he understand.
My family think life is so perfect but its not cause they don't even understand the little things
that hurt me ,they don't notice when IM depressed , they didn't notice when i had cuts up my wrist
somebody i don't even know snitched yes and then my counselor call my family and then noticed . They yell at me for the silliest things.
like not cleaning room or not getting grades,like you want me to get good grades but then you make me watch Ur kids.
yes IM oldest now but its not my fault ,do you think i like getting picked on by all my family no i don't
and do you think i like being dumb do you think i like getting bad grades no i don't ... Ps thank you for letting me get this off my chest...
There is an important someone here just for you, so please do not leave so soon
I can clearly see that you are upset, but your sadness is a huge surprise
You are the talk of your school, a smart, popular, beautiful, outgoing girl
You never shed a tear, or that’s what your friends think, all they see are sparkles in her eyes
President of debate club, cheer team captain, and student body president
At your school you are the only person your peers tire themselves out, striving to be
But look at you, here and now, all alone, and very scared
Breaking down crying, begging for mercy, on your knees
I know you have doubts, but trust in me, everything will be fine
Please think of your family before you take your own life
I know it seems like the final solution that will end all your pain
But a gun, some rope, lots of pill, or a sharp knife will not end your strife
You are hurting, your pain is way deep down inside, and I can definitely tell
You think they do not care, and that is why they do not notice
But if you wait this out and let the clouds go away, it's all going to be okay
You cannot see it, but stay positive and be motivated, because I know this
I may have a possible solution for you, just do one thing
Please keep an open mind, here is my idea, maybe you should try
Speaking to a very special and righteous man I know
His name is God, he resides above us, very high in the sky
I know He will be able to comfort you, He will make feel refreshed and brand new
If you will get down on your knees and one thing, just pray
For his protection, warmth, and guidance, a prayer is basically a sincere conversation
You should try to have at least one with Him every single day
I know this may seem stupid, crazy, or weird
Like you are talking to the wall, yourself, your dog, or no one
But he knows your past, present, and future, and he hears you
Just have faith in him, and wait patiently, then you have already won
He can help you if you will let him into your heart, body, mind, and soul
It’s actually very simple, you just have to possess
One major quality, genuinely believe in the father, son, and holy spirit
Then God will take care of the technicalities and all the rest
You can be sure he will do anything, because he even sacrificed his only son for you
For all of His children, He provides, heals, protects, loves, and even more
This is because from nothingness he cultivated everything in his image
You, air, water, light, darkness, plants, animals, anything you may name
God has been with you this whole time, waiting on you to bring your whole being
And lay it at his feet, somebody loves you, so please do not take your own life
Do think about the fact that if you want to go to heaven, you cannot do this
For murder is a sin, even if it is yourself you kill, please put down the knife
Keep in mind that self harm is never the choice you should make or a solution
And God will be hurt if you destroy his beautiful property
He took the time to create you, in his image of perfection
So be motivated, be positive, and be the best you that you can be
And take the time to become unified with the Lord
He can take good care of you and shed some of your burdens away
Honestly, life still will not be an easy cakewalk
But He will keep you safe, and that is what need right now anyway
Heed my advice, and you will make it out of this storm
I cannot promise you will never hurt again
But I can promise that God will always be there
For eternity, infinity, and all the way until the very end
I'm sitting here thinking to myself about this day
I thought i had a lot to say
But why would i waste my breathe
When you broke the promises you almost kept
This feeling is to hard for me to bear
These feelings aren't fair
You toy with my emotions like I'm just a game
Maybe my heart is the one to blame
I feel as if the sky is now black as night
I still have the will to fight
Make choices down a better track
So i better get my bags and pack
I'm on my way to a brand new mentality
I'm going to put down the blade to get better, you'll see
Life is tough sometimes🥺, there's what's called bad, sad times & days but don't you dare say life is too short cos
You don't know how long you'll live!!
If You say Life is too short it can be possible that you meant it, what if you live more than 100 years gifted by GOD.
Isn't that how it starts?
I sit alone, waiting for a call
A call that could possibly save my life.
I am alone.
My depression eats me alive
But I still try.
I try to be happy
I fake my smile to make everyone think I am okay.
But they say it's okay to not be okay.
I know they're getting tired
Tired of staying up with me, night after night
I know this is my time to be okay.
But I am alone.
Losing my faith
I am alone.
I turn on my music
The melody is loud, hardcore
Almost like a concert right in your home.
I no longer feel alone.
I am happy.
I feel my heart begin to soar.
Music is there.
Music is helping me smile.
Music is giving me an escape.
I am no longer alone.
Music has helped me gain the strength
The strength to save my own life.
Don't ever let them say
Music can't be
Your saving grace.
AMEN In loving kind words,