The way I look @ my life everyday as I deal with all the pain that my kids have in there heart!

I have always thought that one day it would eventually get easier for me to be able to express myself exactly the way I really feel inside to someone that I truly hold close to my heart, but I was absolutely wrong! I found out that all the feelings you have inside I thought that they will eventually just fade away, and everything will be alright.

But,..... that's when I come to realize that,

As faces turn and twist about

Cold Expressions float around

So many souls, with nowhere to go

They’re so lost in this upside down home

Aren’t they all just putting on a show?

As I wait my turn in like, getting ready for a go

It feels my heart is wrapped in this bine

They say, Hope is the last to abandon the mind

Well if I’m so broken, where is my hope?

Where has she gone, I don’t understand

I’m slowly descending to the land of the damned

My skin feels so cold as I slowly cry

Sticks and stones could make me die

When anger is to impart

Spiteful words can hurt your feelings and tear u apart

But silence can break your heart

In this domain, no words are spoken

No hearts are beating

No laughing or crying

Only agony and pain are what sit in these depths

Up on Earth I felt so alive

No one knows me

This place sounds so terrible

But you know what’s got me sold?

Maybe I’ll find some warmth in this hell

Deep down in this humble abode

So as I am going on this journey make sure to follow along.

In the end I promise you will be very pleased you red my dialog!

The next time we meet depending on how

I try telling myself just a little while longer.

Two years never felt so long.

I have this pain in my chest.

That won't go away no matter.

How hard I pray.

It won't go away

I can feel myself getting weaker.

I could barely stay awake if it wasn't for this pain.

I dream such sweet dreams.

Only because my reality is anything but…what you'd expected it to be.

I'm 34 turning 35 in this strange world of love and hate.

Always been an outcast.

Never fully fit in.

Special to you is a cruise to me.

Don't lie to my face.

It's wrong when you hold me telling me everything will be okay.

Knowing very damn well it never will be.

Amazed as I look up at this star filled sky wondering.

When will it be my turn to be loved?

A question that seems to go unanswered,

As I cry myself to sleep every night holding my pillow tight.

Only to wake up and face those hate filled eyes as I walk into the store in this town where they all hate on me and look at me with a frown

Begging and pleading please let this be a dream.

Just someone wake me up from this nightmare that's called my life

Let this all be just one big nightmare.

My momma left me she hurt me real bad she told Nathan that he was my dad, 14 years ago

 i could of been left in the cold winter snow but instead i lived and i met my real dad 

 and yes it was sad ,cause i didn't understand, now i see why my momma didn't want him 

 to take care of me ,cause we the same person . Yes i understand what she did was 

 wrong and when i was little so much happened i cant explain. My dad wont understand 

what happened to me he cant understand it never happened to him so why would he understand.

My family think life is so perfect but its not cause they don't even understand the little things

that hurt me ,they don't notice when IM depressed , they didn't notice when i had cuts up my wrist 

somebody i don't even know snitched yes and then my counselor call my family and then noticed . They yell at me for the silliest things.

like not cleaning room or not getting grades,like you want me to get good grades but then you make me watch Ur kids.

yes IM oldest now but its not my fault ,do you think i like getting picked on by all my family no i don't

and do you think i like being  dumb do you think i like getting bad grades no i don't ... Ps thank you for letting me get this off my chest...

 There is an important someone here just for you, so please do not leave so soon

I can clearly see that you are upset, but your sadness is a huge surprise

You are the talk of your school, a smart, popular, beautiful, outgoing girl

You never shed a tear, or that’s what your friends think, all they see are sparkles in her eyes

 

President of debate club, cheer team captain, and student body president

At your school you are the only person your peers tire themselves out, striving to be

But look at you, here and now, all alone, and very scared

Breaking down crying, begging for mercy, on your knees

 

I know you have doubts, but trust in me, everything will be fine

Please think of your family before you take your own life

I know it seems like the final solution that will end all your pain

But a gun, some rope, lots of pill, or a sharp knife will not end your strife

 

You are hurting, your pain is way deep down inside, and I can definitely tell

You think they do not care, and that is why they do not notice

But if you wait this out and let the clouds go away, it's all going to be okay

You cannot see it, but stay positive and be motivated, because I know this

 

I may have a possible solution for you, just do one thing

Please keep an open mind, here is my idea, maybe you should try

Speaking to a very special and righteous man I know

His name is God, he resides above us, very high in the sky

 

I know He will be able to comfort you, He will make feel refreshed and brand new

If you will get down on your knees and one thing, just pray

For his protection, warmth, and guidance, a prayer is basically a sincere conversation

You should try to have at least one with Him every single day

 

I know this may seem stupid, crazy, or weird

Like you are talking to the wall, yourself, your dog, or no one

But he knows your past, present, and future, and he hears you

Just have faith in him, and wait patiently, then you have already won

 

He can help you if you will let him into your heart, body, mind, and soul

It’s actually very simple, you just have to possess

One major quality, genuinely believe in the father, son, and holy spirit

Then God will take care of the technicalities and all the rest

 

You can be sure he will do anything, because he even sacrificed his only son for you

For all of His children, He provides, heals, protects, loves, and even more

This is because from nothingness he cultivated everything in his image

You, air, water, light, darkness, plants, animals, anything you may name

 

God has been with you this whole time, waiting on you to bring your whole being

And lay it at his feet, somebody loves you, so please do not take your own life

Do think about the fact that if you want to go to heaven, you cannot do this

For murder is a sin, even if it is yourself you kill, please put down the knife

 

Keep in mind that self harm is never the choice you should make or a solution

And God will be hurt if you destroy his beautiful property

He took the time to create you, in his image of perfection

So be motivated, be positive, and be the best you that you can be

 

And take the time to become unified with the Lord

He can take good care of you and shed some of your burdens away

Honestly, life still will not be an easy cakewalk

But He will keep you safe, and that is what need right now anyway

 

Heed my advice, and you will make it out of this storm

I cannot promise you will never hurt again

But I can promise that God will always be there

For eternity, infinity, and all the way until the very end

I'm sitting here thinking to myself about this day

I thought i had a lot to say

But why would i waste my breathe

When you broke the promises you almost kept

This feeling is to hard for me to bear

These feelings aren't fair

You toy with my emotions like I'm just a game

Maybe my heart is the one to blame

I feel as if the sky is now black as night

I still have the will to fight

Make choices down a better track

So i better get my bags and pack

I'm on my way to a brand new mentality

I'm going to put down the blade to get better, you'll see

Life is tough sometimes🥺, there's what's called bad, sad times & days but don't you dare say life is too short cos

You don't know how long you'll live!!

If You say Life is too short it can be possible that you meant it, what if you live more than 100 years gifted by GOD.

Alone.

Isn't that how it starts?

I sit alone, waiting for a call

A call that could possibly save my life.

I am alone.

My depression eats me alive

But I still try.

Try.

I try to be happy

I fake my smile to make everyone think I am okay.

But they say it's okay to not be okay.

I know they're getting tired

Tired of staying up with me, night after night

 

I know this is my time to be okay.

But I am alone.

Alone.

Losing everyone

Losing my faith

I am alone.

I turn on my music

The melody is loud, hardcore

Almost like a concert right in your home.

I no longer feel alone.

I am happy.

I feel my heart begin to soar.

Music is there.

Music is helping me smile.

Music is giving me an escape.

I am no longer alone.

Music.

Music has helped me gain the strength

The strength to save my own life.

Don't ever let them say

Music can't be

Your saving grace.

AMEN In loving kind words,

Anglean

This poem is about: 
My family
Guide that inspired this poem: 

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