unsatisfied with satisfaction
so quiet and reserved
eww...an introvert
I don’t wanna talk
or look you in the eye
as if you’re less than human to me
but its just that I get nervous
and then you require so much
like perfection and then imperfection
so you could rise up above me
and then I don’t satisfy
and then I get those looks
of disgust, if you will
or maybe how I look at you
but its not intentional.
I wish I could change it
but everything about me is me
and I’ve been told to keep what was placed
there
as if I had the guts to remove bits and pieces of
the ugly
because I’m just a coward
yea, that too.
I wish I could drive it out
and the dryness of my skin
and the flatness of my feet
and the caving in of my legs
and everything so I could be that childhood barbie that still sits on my dresser
because she’s not human
and everything I’ve ever asked for is to be different
but they keep telling me its not right
and then they go and try to attain it themselves
and I struggle with believing everything they tell me
but I guess its for the best.
thats what she told me.
thats how I ought to think…
so sparkly and shiny and beautiful
but it hurts to look at the aluminum foil in the sun
perhaps that is what I should embrace:
the pain I cause when people look at me
oh how I want to be so obvious
can I change who I am?
because I’m drowning in the assumption that everyone is better than me.