I first learned to use this word
to describe my family situation.
"No, no, no-- you've got it all wrong!
Fighting only makes us unique, bruises and all!"
Then I took the word and relentlessly forced it to define me.
My anger, my melancholy; it makes me unique
I even eventually learned how to sharpen
the "q" and drive it through my flesh to accent
my differences and to account for my open wounds.
I held the word different down because I wanted
to be in with the out, I did not want to be the same.
But I metamorphisized my difference, transfused
it to the prefix in.
Indifferent-- I became indifferent.
I severed humanity from my beating stone
heart, I merely created a corpse of myself.
I didn't see many living corpses roaming the
earth so there-- I was unique.
The lack of rules for being unique
failed to mention that unique was lonely's
identical twin. They, scratch that, we
Lonely was rough sometimes. He'd
horseplay with pieces of my heart and
I felt it. Every jab every stomp every kick.
I came to the conclusion that lonely was
painful so I wanted to get rid of them both.
I craved normal and his entourage
with such a deep hunger that I starved myself to
be skinny and attract his eye. I laughed at every joke
like if I didn't, the earth would crack like an old Easter egg
and Satan himself would pop out to smite me.
I only allowed myself to follow the crowd,
dress in society's hottest and achieve the average.
Normal never once looked at me.
Unique's shadow haunted me, loomed over my "should haves"
I swear I even heard her whisper, "We are the same--
you are Unique."
I informed her that I'd heard that a million times
and it only separated me; it made humans despise me,
it condoned my family's addictions and
worst of all, it hurt.
It was excruciating to burden myself with a
dictionary term that showed no signs of mercy.
It was painful because I claimed out of ignorance
to be alone. It wasn't until jolting awake in the
dead of day that I was wrong all along.
Because of every memory stored deep in my brain,
because of every moment I reminisced--
I was unique.
Unique didn't have to be linked to lonely.
In fact, someone dear to my heart
taught me through every step
unique is just another word for Beauty.