When are you going to get it through your thick head?

I don’t want to be with you.

I don’t want to be anywhere near you.

You disgust me.

You make me question every bad thing I’ve ever done in my life.

You make me wonder if tomorrow will be my last day on this Earth.

And whenever you ask me how my day was, you make me hope it is.

Your scent makes me gag.

Your smile makes me want to drive my car off a cliff.

 

Your very existence makes me want to illegally obtain an assault rifle and take out a shopping mall full of Christmas shoppers.

 

When you look in my general direction, my spine tingles.

When you try to do nice things for me, it’s a reminder of how much you make me hate.

When your friends come over, I think about filling the bathtub and slitting my wrists.

 

When you reach out and your hand touches mine or when you tell stories about me and how proud you are of my accomplishments or when you tell your friends and your family that when you are a parent you want to be half as great as I am, I feel nothing for you other than rage.

 

When you sleep at night, I think about placing a plastic bag over your head and watching you struggle and fight until you draw your last breath.

 

Your mother is the only reason I tolerate you.

You are not my son.

I know exactly what you did and what you’re trying to do and it won’t work.

The only thing that outweighs my hatred for you is my love for her.

And even then, I question if it’s worth it.

At the end of the day, at the end of the week, at the end of the world, will it all matter?

 

You interrupt my train of thought.

You ask me how my day was.

 

I imagine picking up my pen and jamming it as hard as I can into your eye socket, piercing your still-developing brain and killing you instantly.

 

I tell you it’s fine.

You smile.

I hold back tears and bile and look at your mother and I know that there’s only so much more I can do to keep this under wraps.

 

Tonight.

You have to go.

I’ll make it quick.

I’ll make it painless.

But before I do it, I’ll tell you everything and explain it all.

Then maybe, just maybe, you’ll know what you got yourself into.

Then maybe, just maybe, you’ll understand.