two sides

of the same heart

of the same mind

twisted with the

neverending

unrelenting

questions of just

why?

 

why must i be

confined to a body

that does not

match how i feel?

why must i be

judged and ridiculed

for what i feel

and how i want

to see myself

for not anyone else’s

pleasure or

satisfaction

other than my own?

 

two sides

of the same situation

of the same pathway

that we all wander

to get to our own

undetermined

fogged

mirror of a

future

 

why must i be

seen as an object

rather than just

another human being?

why must my breasts

and vagina

be louder than

anything and

everything that i

ever have to say

to the world overall?

 

two sides

that do not match

that do not detail

how some days

i am happy with my

predetermined

gender identity

while with others

i wish that i could

be more of a man

than any preexisting boy

could ever fucking be?

all the while

of course

i do have to question

why there are days

that i feel both

or nothing

at all?

 

expression

a word and power

so wild

so exquisite

so unexpected

that everyone both

loves and hates

what it is truly

meant to be

because what it brings

is not what

society wants.

 

it is not conformity

cut into small

little circles and holes

that will magically always

work together in

absolute harmony.

it is not an order

that is silently followed

as if we were dogs

with the minds of

fruit flies and

having the willpower

of dried dandelions

in a summer breeze.

it is not the expectation

that was ordered

it is not the role

that we were supposed

to follow without question

it is not

and that is

what scares them.

 

two sides

of what

i want to be.

two sides

of what

i always was.

two sides

of the same coin

that is known

undeniably

unforgivingly

unrelentingly

as me.