Twisted Arms

Every Friday night I like to sit behind the screen of cold warmth
And write my divine feelings into stories that teach all the lessons of life and love
The treacherous slap in the face that words can deliver
The blow a mouthful of rumors can give
And the torturous thorns of the silent omissions of the bystanders

Bullies near and far I call upon you
I feel guilt but do you?
I saw the members of the clique strode down the hallway
One is a life guard, she swims against the waves of emotions and tries to save those who don't understand
Another is a slut, she looks for a something that can offer her love like the empowerment of enslaving the feelings of a victim, crushing a soul with words
Another one lives like a double edge sword and doesn't not which side of herself to trust: the visage or the lie that lingers below the mask that stinks the air with cigarette smoke
The final became a fat girl, frightened of the life before her

We were all like water
We collected the silt, the dirt, the mud, and the unhappy dead fishies
And we brought it all down into the mouth of the gulf where it was then spread around the school
We brought shame to that girl
That girl I twisted my arm for to protect myself

I never found out what happened to her
She escaped from the cruel fate that children give to each other
But I remember everyday
Everyday I see a word or her name or her glasses or handwriting
I remember the vile betrayal I forced fed myself like cherry flavored medicine

Karma came to me in a mirror that I broke
A shard escaped and slashed my right wrist and left me without memory of the blood I spilled
Today I trace over that scar with my forefinger and watch it glow in the dimming light
The insomnia that takes over my brain and forces me from my bed to the keyboard
I am its puppet
I pick up my fingers and write my talent to pieces
I do not cry as I watch the beauty unfold but I reach for it and grasp it
It shreds like in those melodramatic movies in the rain with cigarettes and running mascara

I apologize over and over and want to make it better
They were wrong and so was I
But she is long gone
I will never know what happened to her but I know what happened to me
The day I twisted my arm to protect myself

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741