I was twelve when I realized that nobody would love me more than me

School, the place where I went to get learn, was where I learned to despise myself.

And even though I hated the way I looked due to my fellow peers, I still dressed to impress

For I needed to keep myself pure and beautiful for them

So that I would find someone someday brave enough to love me

Because that’s all a twelve year old girl wants… A fairytale ending

A fairytale ending where the princess gets “saved” by the prince

It was at twelve years of age when I started applying makeup

Because the heartless boys in my class would sing in a chorus:

Ugly fat ugly fat

I put on the brightest pink shade of lipstick that my mother owned

Because I had to become beautiful for the same boys that would later tell me to kill myself

But, that still was not enough

The choir sang louder:

Slut cake-face slut cake-face

I went home that day, lipstick smeared on the back of my pathetic hand

Head down so nobody could see the slutty twelve year old cake-face

Face in hands, I only felt safe in my own skin

The skin that I was told to cover up because my acne was hideous and the constellation of freckles that graced my cheeks were disgusting

The skin that I was taught to destroy when I felt suicidal because of how repulsive I was

Sometimes, when I look in the bathroom mirror I can’t even see myself

Because a mirror is a hex that shows you what you’ve become

For I was ashamed! I was scared! What had I become?

Petite gorgeous petite gorgeous

The chorus that taunted me when I was only twelve recruited a new member

And it was me

Have you ever felt so senseless that it physically hurts?

Amuse me, boys of the sixth grade

Since when was loving yourself a sin?

Change your appearance, and change your personality and fill a mold that you will never fit into

Girls are only worth pearly whites and long flowing locks

Bullshit!

At the end of the day, you will only have one thing

Yourself

Your beautiful self, and do not flinch at the word beautiful, because goddamnit that’s exactly what you are

It’s the way you laugh a melodic hymn when you are bemused

It’s the way your eyes shine like the stars in the darkest of nights

You do not need to conform to anybody’s standards

Because whether it is your weight, height, gender, sexual orientation, or the color of your skin

It does not matter

Because society’s expectations do not define anybody, especially you

You are worth it even without the whitening strips, diet pills, and shavers

You are the princess that does not need saving by the prince

And maybe, people should start realizing that.