It has been a year and one month

I could write a few lines about a bad boy I used to love

Or about the bittersweet memories I shared with my ex-best friend that rush to my mind

Every time “Rollercoaster” by The Bleachers plays

The way my head pounds when I pass his house

Because I remember how fast my heart used to beat pulling into his driveway

The way my eyes roll when I see her in a pizza restaurant on a Tuesday night

Because I remember how we used to laugh for hours over the tables

The owners never had the heart to kick us out as they closed for the night

“We’ve never seen two people enjoy each other so much!”

 

I have never really liked blue

With the exception of her

Her self-induced sadness intoxicated me

But there comes a time when you must realize that

 You have to respect yourself

You have to stand your ground

And even if the words burn your throat you have to tell her

That you cannot be dragged down anymore

You have to come to the realization that she

 Does not matter as much as your self-respect does

 

I have always loved goosebumps

The rush of something

The way one thing can create an energy that shakes my entire body

But when I left

The goosebumps became a reminder of him

Every time a finger traces down my body

Or our song comes on the radio

Or someone says his name

They erupt on my body and my god

Do I hate the way they control me in the same way he used to

 

I hate seeing his friends in school

The ones who still romanticize cigarettes and bruises

If they only knew the truth about lung cancer and abuse

Because I know

And so does he

 

It has been a year and one month

I could write a few lines about a bad boy I used to love

Or about the bittersweet memories I shared with my ex-best friend

But I’m too happy now

Right?