Trust

trusting

you want me to trust you

are you for real?

how do i trust someone who compares me to the worst of the worst?

I'm not gonna lie, i know that your trying your best 

but that scary you can go from my mom to stranger the next,

you think that i don't know that was stupid,

I know that was a poor mistake and you have no clue how hard it takes to pull the blankets off and get up in the morning,

I walk around and smile wide but inside I wish you could just disappear and don't exist, 

Oh now you hate me ,

go ahead hate me,  tell me i'm just like him one more time.

you don't know hate until you've been inside of mind,

that's a dangerous place

 I wish I could see what you see in me

because from the view I have it's just not enough

 i'm just a sad piece of paper floating around in the sky,

out of place,

a waste of space. 

You seem scared

 please don't be scared of me 

i'm trying really hard to be the daughter you wanted me to be

i know it's not enough and I wish i was someone you need me to be,

i'm really scared that one day I'll commit,

it's not that I want to die

I just fear the day when i'm not able to get up in the morning

will then people see finaily what i'm meant to be

what i am

 i feel like an animal a predator that can pounce any moment i'm scared to look, 

do you see me??

It's hard to get out of this place of loss and sorrow,

and it's not that I can't,

it's that I won't I've lost a lot 

and now all i have is my self hatred and this vale I use to cover my face

I found some red paint,I painted on that smile so it could be easier to get up in the morning 

I always walked on eggshells around him,

because I knew

he could break at any moment.

I can feel you do the same thing to me,

Please don't be scared of me.

I know that you fear one day i'll do the same thing he did to you,

 this is me trying really hard not to snap.

not to break this role i've committed to playing 

a role of a little girl who could do no harm 

 I know that it's hard to trust me, I lie to me too 

but for the wrong reason 

I lie to you to protect your consciencethere 

And I know it's wrong

but I feel this constant need to protect you so you don't break like him

theres no hope left for me

 I'm a missed opportunity,

standing around mocking me

 I've always had a gun on my head,

in case people saw him and not me, 

I don't know who I am any more 

maybe I already snapped and you already see me. 

maybe I've never acted like him

maybe this role i'm playing was him but then that would make me you.. 

Maybe we have more in common than I thought, 

I don't know if you carry the same self hatred as me 

but I can see we carry the same black vale we use to cover our face, 

for when our mind is in a difficult place , 

do you fear me because you see him or you in me 

because I don't know who I am anymore

 I lost the happy girl who still had faith in the world

 if you ever need me you can find me in the corner

in a different place 

you can try to shout

But I won't hear you

 i've got a playlist blaring in my ears set on repeat to cover the noise of this never ending feeling of loneliness 

because I hate to admit

I'm all alone 

but then again there all of these other kids

hiding all over the place 

with their headphones and vale to cover their face 

just like you and me

they're scared to commit and can never trust 

maybe we all took a class on how to feel this never ending need to die 

it's either that or they lived once 

but I'll never know 

it's hard to trust 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community
Our world

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741