Tremble

Sun, 10/29/2017 - 15:58 -- eien37

Tremble, tremble,

your voice shakes —

not with fear

but with anger

Tremble, tremble,

my body shakes —

not with anger

but with fear

Your eyes open and

you see me

you cover your mouth in horror

i’m sorry i’m sorry

you repeat it, over and over

like the more you say it,

the faster I will be able to heal

i won’t do it again

You beg and beg,

but . . .

you’ve said this before, haven’t you?

you promised before

before and before

again and again

you would never let the rage take over,

let the blood run too hot,

let your fingers grasp my throat,

again and again

I’m done believing

You can be so kind sometimes,

so tender, your hands caress me

you shower me with gifts,

desperate to receive my love once again

in your mind, red ribbons and crinkled wrapping paper solve everything

Sometimes I don’t think even you are aware,

the manipulative game you play

the way one moment you are made of sunshine,

the next you are a tornado ready to rip up everything in your path

No . . .

You are not aware

You live in a separate dimension than the rest of us,

You float through the world,

buoyed by only your ego

You pretend to care,

to be whole, a being made to love

but you are more broken than anyone

If I follow you again,

the only thing I see in my future:

bruises

shattered glass

wine and blood, spilling onto the floor

I don’t want that future

I do not want such duplicity,

I want to be able to give my heart freely, once and for all

not offer it, then snatch it back when it’s threatened

I do not want to be hiding from the one who’s supposed to always be there for me,

I want to be able to sleep at night, my arms open

welcoming and waiting

I do not want to only be an object for show and a tool to be used,

I want to be enjoy every single moment I’m with you

to be able to lose track of time is one of the greatest gifts

Tremble, tremble,

your voice shakes —

not with anger,

but with fear

where are you going?

please don’t leave me

i won’t do it again

i promise

you know i won’t

because i love you . . .

Tremble, tremble,

my body shakes —

not with fear

but with anger

A part of me will always love you

You gave me so much and you’ve taught me so many things,

but you can no longer give me what I want

And I

don’t

want

to

live

like

this

I will not say I’m sorry

I will have no more compassion for you

Good-bye.

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