Tremble
Tremble, tremble,
your voice shakes —
not with fear
but with anger
Tremble, tremble,
my body shakes —
not with anger
but with fear
Your eyes open and
you see me
you cover your mouth in horror
i’m sorry i’m sorry
you repeat it, over and over
like the more you say it,
the faster I will be able to heal
i won’t do it again
You beg and beg,
but . . .
you’ve said this before, haven’t you?
you promised before
before and before
again and again
you would never let the rage take over,
let the blood run too hot,
let your fingers grasp my throat,
again and again
I’m done believing
You can be so kind sometimes,
so tender, your hands caress me
you shower me with gifts,
desperate to receive my love once again
in your mind, red ribbons and crinkled wrapping paper solve everything
Sometimes I don’t think even you are aware,
the manipulative game you play
the way one moment you are made of sunshine,
the next you are a tornado ready to rip up everything in your path
No . . .
You are not aware
You live in a separate dimension than the rest of us,
You float through the world,
buoyed by only your ego
You pretend to care,
to be whole, a being made to love
but you are more broken than anyone
If I follow you again,
the only thing I see in my future:
bruises
shattered glass
wine and blood, spilling onto the floor
I don’t want that future
I do not want such duplicity,
I want to be able to give my heart freely, once and for all
not offer it, then snatch it back when it’s threatened
I do not want to be hiding from the one who’s supposed to always be there for me,
I want to be able to sleep at night, my arms open
welcoming and waiting
I do not want to only be an object for show and a tool to be used,
I want to be enjoy every single moment I’m with you
to be able to lose track of time is one of the greatest gifts
Tremble, tremble,
your voice shakes —
not with anger,
but with fear
where are you going?
please don’t leave me
i won’t do it again
i promise
you know i won’t
because i love you . . .
Tremble, tremble,
my body shakes —
not with fear
but with anger
A part of me will always love you
You gave me so much and you’ve taught me so many things,
but you can no longer give me what I want
And I
don’t
want
to
live
like
this
I will not say I’m sorry
I will have no more compassion for you
Good-bye.