why do i want to get rid of the people who care about me

i hear them speak and i don't care what they say

they could be telling me that their family wishes they were dead

and all i'd hear is a tiny voice in my head

whispering "shut the fuck up I really don't care"

but i pretend i do so they dont hate me

it's awful

am I this heartless?

or is my mind trying to focus on itself

its own bruises and secrets

so it can care for itself before it can care for others