You were the first faces I saw

Yet the last ones I ponder

No, I don’t want to come home

Why?

Oh. I forgot

You guys thought you raised me right

Ha

Let’s back up this janky bus

Take a seat; sorry I didn’t have time to clean
   up

Make sure you pay attention

As there will be a test            

One you will always fail as you’ve been
   gone for too long    

I never asked to be put on a pedestal                                    

One that is always in need of repairs and
   constant attention                                                   

I never wanted your backhanded praise
   about anything

But you gave it freely anyway                                                                       

Dear God, stop acting like you care                                                                                     

Where were these feelings nine years ago?                                                                                       

Hello

…

Are you still there?

Can you hear me?

Oh, that’s right.

You’ve always been more interested in what
   you have to say rather than hear my cries.

I mean you handed me off to strangers at
   three months old for God’s sake!

Don’t get me wrong

I’m glad I met and was raised by my real
   parents

They actually took the time to teach me

What you couldn’t ever be bothered with

Like how to read

Or add and divide

At least they loved me and tried to act as
   guides

But what the fuck am I supposed to do when
   you finally want to be active in my life
   after 20 years?

Receive you with open arms?

What bullsh*t

Oh

I’m so sorry!  

I forgot you hate self-expression      

Please

Just let me sit on my ass and take every
   beating you hand out                      

Like candy during Halloween                       

You’re both so damn hypocritical                            

You can’t even say you love each other        

There’s too much distain in your veins                                 

So don’t you dare say you know what’s best
   for me         

When it comes to finding someone who
   might “love me”                                         

Here comes that test:

 

True or False…

1. You’ve taught me to hate myself
2. You’ve taught me that there’s no way out
3. You’ve taught me to work myself to death
4. You taught me to push through the pain even if it would cause unbearable baggage
5. You’ve taught me that no matter how mean or nasty family is you still put them before everything else… even my own mental health
6. You’ve taught me that I can’t be depressed because I smile and am optimistic
7. You’ve taught me that love is painful and unkind and terrible and ruthless and unavailable for most days from 4 to 9 but then its hours constantly change
8. You’ve taught me to be ashamed of my tears and fears as they make me look weak and too
      emotional
9. You’ve taught me to be stubborn and uncaring in the worst times
10. You’ve taught me how to ignore myself by putting everything before me
11. You’ve taught me not to trust anyone…not even myself
12. You’ve taught me how to distance myself by never being there for me when I really needed
       you
13. You’ve taught me that love doesn’t exist with all your screaming, lies and lack of
       communication
14. You’ve taught me that I don’t want to be here
15. You’ve taught me by constantly pushing those little yearning hands away how it feels to
       be alone

And yet you still expect me to come home?