A touch of everything

I have learned, the only true person you can save is your self.
You are the only one in control of Whether you want to be happy in the light or to be happy in the dark.
When you try to be happy in the light but seem you can't things turn hazy.
Hazy. Things aren't bad.
They are numb and confusing.
When you try to be happy in the dark but seem you can't things turn gloomy.
Gloomy. Things are awful.
They are silent cries and stomach pains.
And the thing is. I don't know which one is worse any more.
But when I try to be happy dead in the middle of it. They aren't grey. But they aren't colorful either.
When this happens. I want to take walks but at the same time I want to stay in bed.
So when my parents aren't home, I instead blast my music. To songs where they sound angry and sad.
I'm angry because I don't have answers to questions.
I'm sad because none of it makes any sense.
When things are hazy and gloomy at the same time, I switch it off.
When I feel nothing but everything.
In this time I want to grab your hands.
Pull over the blankets and shut everything out. Because if I can't see it. It's not truly there. So then I see just you. And when I see you. I am reminded of everything becoming okay again. When the blankets are finally pulled off again. I squeeze your hand to make sure your hand print is left on my body. I learned you get a new full layer of skin cells every 7 years. I am more than just fine with knowing your okayness will be on me and with me for that long. Because over those 7 years, our body's will have touched in more places and okayness will one day become everything being fine and then perfect. Having perfectness cover my body till I no longer have a body to keep covered but a soul. A soul that you were able to help mold back together again. I think if your body's outside layer keeps coming off and replaced with one underneath it..eventually you'll be able to see my soul in how I cup your hand the way I did under those blankets. The cycle now completed and seeing your soul too....dance in my eyes...with the promise we made each other.

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