I see everyone working and looking at each other and smiling. I see people hunched over laughing so hard they're crying. I see people moving but all it seems that I can do is stare. I see all these people breathing and living their lives around me but for me the world has stopped. 
The world has stopped spinning, the world is standing still. Nothing can move an inch until you get back.  If you're gone forever if I can never see you again I promise you that I won't live long. The moment I found out you're gone forever I'll be gone. No one will be able to save me. I'm nothing in this world without you. I'm not close to anyone, I've pushed them all away.
 If you aren't around anymore, I don't see a point in being here. I'm just sitting here waiting for the time your mom actually talks to me, either to tell me you're okay and you're home and I can stop freaking or to tell me you're dead and I can now kill myself.
 Honestly your parents have blamed me for everything for so long that I'm starting to believe it. Maybe it is my fault...maybe I ruined you...just like everything else in my life...I always ruin what I love most...I'm sorry...