i have to tell you, 

thanks again.

thank you for listening,

for being a friend

for being there although you really

weren't.

for keeping me distracted,

for the innocence, and for actually

talking to me.

 

because as much 

as you hurt me

by leaving me on 'R'

or sending bad paragraphs,

or letting me apologize for no reason,

you let me take the 

pointless memories

and change january

forever.

 

like the toothbrush selfies,

league,

waiting an hour before bed,

tyson,

your brothers,

sushi with your friends,

that sweater you lost,

that watch you ordered,

iliana,

your dad,

or when your best friend kayla moved out of this country.

 

or the time we made each other cry.

or the first time you mentioned her.

 

this is your life

and your memories,

but you see, i took

them with me also.

 

because each one

reminds me of 

january

and how i loved everything about it.

i even loved your name.

and the funny part about all of this is,

i never even met you.