Taming Ambition


A mother screams in pain
as agony takes form
and curses the Lord's name
as her blood spills onto the floor

Yet who could have thought
that love unsafe would have brought
a little black baby without a name
to little ol' Tulane?

Her tears were burning
and her thoughts were churning
and her roommate was prepared to
receive the blame of her pain

as she scooped me from the
unholy bowl nicknamed after a baptist
I suppose I should be thankful she
didn't flush so I could rap this

But the truth is that even though
I was born face first
I felt the rhythm of her screams
so I could spit this verse

And what could have been my last breath
and what should have been my hearse
Fate favored a fighter
despite the circumstances of my birth

Fastforward to eigth grade
when I stopped making straight A's
I was too focused on Beethoven and
writing music on a blank page

--- not by ear, because I was too much of a novice
but I started teaching myself music theory
so now I can rock this

or should I say Bach this?
Either way I couldn't stop this
addiction from intricate rhythms and
harmonies made me unlock this

potential unleashed with
my string quartet on the sheets
what were once blank pages are now
musical highways and streets

A few years later I got into Booker T Washington
for piano studies primarily
but in terms of lessons I got a lot of 'em,

saved a friend from suicide
she thought she lost all purpose
I told her "diamonds are formed
from dirt, so even dirt isn't worthless"

Got kicked out of the art school
'cause my grades weren't cool
but I busted ass during the summer
so I could return wiser, not a fool

I graduated and was honored by
my greatest mentors
and discovered I had a gift for
writing but I had no idea what was in store

--- 'Cause when I went to university
everybody wanted a piece of me
and even my parents thought I couldn't
handle a double-major specialty

Under pressure I caved
only I was to blame
no one else but me can tell you
the capabilities of my own brain!

So as a self-engineered virus
disrupted my dream-vision
I started questioning my future
so I started searching my mental prism

I asked myself what kind of jobs I'd do
if music wasn't a possibility
(thank goodness I'm still in school)
but for me to "sell out", would it make me a tool?

---after all I've got student loans riding on this
and my parents aren't rich,
and they always have an itch to
cut someone down if the idea may have a stitch in it.

But like sharks smell blood
Failure smells fear
so I researched all my possibilities
eminent of my future so near

I decided after a year of being ruled by
what ifs and remorse
I would hold down the dream
and stay the course

Because I could have given up
when my infant-head was in the crapper
and 21 years later a classical musician
is acting like a rapper

--- At least for the point of getting my message through.
you asked me what made me tick but now I've told you
that no matter what I'm the kind of person that takes impossible and says
"told you"

I'm too flexible and bendable
I'm like origami, but my plans don't fold through.




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