Sweet sixteen was supposed to be filled with joy and glitter
But it left us feeling guilty and bitter
Cause what she done
Did more than just kill her
God if only she hadn’t pulled the trigger
As a Child I didn’t like to kiss her
And never thought I would ever really miss her
though I would fight you if you ever tried to diss her
I’m talking about my not-so prim and proper baby sister
A life over and wasted so young
She lay on the floor cradling the smoking gun
The horrible deal was done
So many years and still I feel wrong
The taste of salty tears awakens me
Only to discover the night mare starts over
In dreams your happy, you tell me it’s okay
I can’t believe it’s not my fault
Painful guilt stabs my consciousness
Didn’t you know I loved you with all my soul?
We suckled the same breast from birth
Your inner-turmoil was ours to share
Always I love you, my sibling, my inspiration
How do I get over you?
You understood me when others didn’t
I have to remind myself your actually gone
You console and embrace me in dreams
In life you were tortured by demons
In death your demons became our living hell
Your absence in life leaves an unfillable void.
Author’s Note: Our beautiful and beloved sixteen-year-old baby sister Shannon Walker, committed suicide in 1989; Our uncle Robert “Bobby” Marshall in 1997; Our two adopted brothers James Lawerence Redenbaugh 2004 and Teddy Williford in 2017. I will always feel responsible for starting what appears to be a pattern of self-destructive behavior in my family.
If you have a loved one who expresses any signs or threats of suicide, please take them seriously a nd seek professional help immediately. A threat or attempt to commit suicide is a very serious sympton that should never be taken lightly. Once their gone it’s much to late for regrets.