I am wandering

going somewhere 

arriving nowhere

walking there 

running here

trying to find my stars

following the moon

no longer with myself 

always by myself

this is how they make me feel

they make me feel like the sun

rising in the morning

climbing the mountains

as the slightest touch of warmth

disappears into my fingers 

and slowly through my body

keeping me safe and

eneveloping me in endless hardships

but always with love

they make me feel like the roots

growing up to meet the morning sky

stretching and silently

blossoming into sunflowers

its warm

like a glimpse of

something better

something i can believe in

a family 

sewed by the jagged seams

a family

we all took for granted

like a stranger in the dark

picking MY sunflower

and plucking each soft feather

i can't see where the wind is taking them

each one an entirely different direction

unknowingly scattering in the wind

with no destination in sight

and no home to tell my secrets to

we're a lost cause deciding

maybe if none of it turned upside down

we'd have somewhere to go

some road to walk down

some way to love each other 

as we never could before

so as i lose my path to my geaneology

I wander

going somewhere 

arriving nowhere

trying to find my stars

trying to find my petals

this is how he makes me feel

he makes me feel

he is a place with four walls 

growing with memories

and burning with a passion

that seems to gravitate to that one dull lightbulb

it burned

like the cigarettes we smoked when 

nights became sleepless

because there were things to say

things to tell

he makes me feel like i can be safe

and as free as i'd like

i found love swirling out of him like a whole galaxy

he shared it with me

but the confusion came

with no warning

gripping onto my shoulder

with nothing to say, i begged to my mind

as it spun with fear

mistaking him for the flower

he found a small handful of petals

and rubbed them between his fingers

while his gentle breeze of an exhale

warmed my face

i gave him something

and

i gained something

and he found some of my sunflower

and he pressed their softness into my palms

and when he withdrew his hand

the yellow feathers of hope

pulsed in time to my heart

i slowly set them down

on that one bed we had

and put the one pillow we shared

carefully over my broken family

securing them from myself

hoping to find my whole sunflower one day

i'll remember his shaky hands

and the way his mouth turns upward

and reaches to meet his ears

every time his eyes see mine

he makes me feel

like the clouds covering the sky

trying to get a closer look

as we sat across from one another

on that ancient wooden bench

he looks at me with those pale blue eyes

with a hint of green skimming the edges of his pupil

and he says to me "you're glowing"

i'm glowing

he is my newfound home

a place with four walls 

to tell things to

this is how she makes me feel 

she makes me feel like 

my pen can glide across the paper

so much easier than ever before

like she is there holding my hand

my hand gripping the pen so tightly 

it loosens when i feel her touch

my heart loosens when i see her

my head loosens when i see her

i loosen when she sees me

she is my outlet to

something i've never tried

something so new

something i can put my heart in

a jar i can place my heart in

and she will cover it with a lid

holes poked through so i can breathe

and my heart can beat

in time to the snaps her fingers create

with the music flowing in her ears

the way she sways is rythmetic

the way she smiles is contagious

she is a whole new sunflower for me to believe in

i will set her in water 

and help her grow

i will bring her to the window

show her my sun, my moon, my clouds, my stars

show her everything

everything that becomes something more

she's something more

she makes me feel

i can stand on a hill

and watch my sun rise 

and have hope 

that my sun, my flowers, my moon, my stars

will know when to rise and set

to grow and smile

to cry and lose

and when to find hope

we can find hope

we can all find hope

if we have hope in each other

my pen glides smoothly across the paper

easier than it ever has before

-aly