Now- I reach the summit
watching as the heaving breath becomes fog-
then melts away.
And I smile, clutching aching sides.
It's hurts more than I care to admit
this year of days passed by.
A constant conscious state of worry,
But now- as I glimpse things more clearly
I learn about people,
An excruciating amount of minutes
Within this time frame
has been a cycle of repetition-
The same problem
A supposed solution
Ticking around the clock
Of 526,000 minutes
This ticking time taunts
like tiny pricks beginning to stick in my skin
The fear of inadequacy
Of failure to some future self.
The urgency of weighted decisions
When I don't even know what color socks to put on my feet
Much less decide which direction to run
Soon, these pricks with gradual velocity combine,
mounting on top of each other into bricks
... Thoughts abruptly cave-in at 3:10
While I frantically jot down math notes.
stubbernly the pencil refuses
And I'm utterly useless
trying to release the pain.
My thoughts are clogged
This utensil scratches new thoughts in my mind.
Bells taunt the time.
I look to the paper, and
the pencil is still motionless resting atop unfinished, scribbled formulas.
Time brings guilt
with the fact that at this moment
I am still an unknown entity walking through empty halls
Without a creased map guiding my steps.
Time is slipping through my fingers
And I can only watch it drip.
In these depths
I've found pixelated facts
Printed in ink by my own subconscious brain
And motives that are covered in fogged light over the smudged glass in my mind.
What used to be clear is clouded with fingerprints of past memories and
I'm only hiding from self-devised fears.
I have no focus.
I walk aimlessly,
Alone in this wide stretch of cracked earth.
But am I only looking blindly ahead?
Beacuse on earth there are 7.5 billion people
and to the left and right of my path
They surge in clusters.
Do you really think all of them know exactly where they are headed?
That they all know the right turns to make?
And I realized
There are more people to walk with me
Than worries to fabricate in my head.
People reaching- willing to lend a hand
Even if their own is bruised and broken.
And we are not alone.
We all live on this one solitary planet out of
Billions and billions coagulated around the infinite universe.
We are stuck together
bonded like glue to this worn earth.
With the world itself
Trying to tear us apart.
It wears us down-
Bending bruised bodies and
Wrapping hearts around fake things,
Screens ignite fury around us
screaming what's worse- what's different
Comparing each other
When that shouldn't matter
becuase we're all made out of dust
And we all have potential
to be beautiful
to do something grand
All we need to do is take that helping hand
And we begin to climb
We need to climb up
So we will climb on,
taking bright moments to fill our hearts
It's our energy-
moving us toward the goal,
an endless reach.
Memories of kind faces,
Stories told through years repeated
to fill our tanks with hope,
So the wheels keeps turning no matter which rocks lie ahead.
And even though
For 525,000 minutes
I've been stuck, clamped to the broken ground
I've learned more than I care to admit.
Because life isn't about where you're going
But why you are climbing
About taking one mental step at a time.
And as long as we