The Story of Hercules G. Smith

The Story of Hercules G. Smith

 

Hercules G. Smith spent his childhood days

Playing outside and chasing squirrels astray.

Born to former bodybuilder Dave "The Zeus" Smith and his wife Alcmene,

Hercules exhibited immense strength and extreme inability

To manage his emotions in his early years;

But nonetheless, his personality was not which one would fear.

 

These aforementioned qualities often gave him considerable credibility

By his freshman year of high school, sixteen-hundred pounds was what he benched easily.

He once rescued a cat by uprooting a tree,

Furiously shaking it until it dropped its elderly owner's hands safely.

His congratulatory slaps were known across the terrain

For their great emotional warmth and ability to cause chronic back pain.

 

Despite all his setbacks and despite his progression,

Hercules was well-regarded: school, community, and concession.

His abilities didn't always make him a hero, though.

There was many a time he nearly tore down the structural foundation of his home.

When approaching him, it was commonly adviced to not lightly jab,

As when he was furious when hearing obscure kinds of gab.

 

His emotional episodes weren't the biggest concern in an era,

As Hercules was constantly ridiculed by aunt Hera.

Editor-in-chief of Olympus, VA's only tabloid in town,

The Olympus Weekly labeled Hercules a clown.

She schemed and she plotted, putting Hercules to shame;

He, yes HE, for the town's problems was to blame.

 

Crestfallen when his antics were exposed to the core,

Hercules left town feeling dejected and impure.

Seeking to make amends and being unsteady,

He went to see guidance from uncle, dear Delphi.

Possessing a Ph.D. in Psychology and Time Person of the Year for 2006,

The one Virginian man revered for his wisdom and intellect.

 

After consulting his troubled nephew,

Delphi told Hercules he must complete twelve tasks for Olympus High School.

The principal Eurystheus would spread good word and give the young man a chance,

But to advance for redemption he had to complete twelve tasks:

 

1. Win Nemea the Lion at the local arcade.

2. Successfully purchase the HYDRA Game Development Kit and make a game.

3. Take a picture of Ceryneia, the only deer at Diana Jones Zoo.

4. Pet Erymanthia, one of the pigs at Erymanthus Farm too.

5. Clean the neighborhood park in a single day.

6. Drive away all of the seagulls at Stymphalos Lake.

7. Eat from a rare and delicate Cretan bowl.

8. Go to the countryside and tame Old Man Diomedes’ foal.

9. Acquire the Hippolytian belt from the site Amazon

10. Head to Geryon Ranch and round up the cattle before dawn.

11. Go into his aunt Hera’s garden and take apples from her prized apple tree.

12. Feed a biscuit to Cerberus, among the neighborhood’s nastiest dog breed.

 

One by one Hercules inched towards completing his mission,

Spending days and nights ceaseless, yet not without inhibition.

Throughout his attempts he worried he'd fail,

He'd barely held Erymanthia by the tip of her tail.

But his wits prevailed, and after winning Cerberus' trust,

The legend of Hercules' Twelve Labors were spread and discussed.

 

Eurystheus commended Hercules during an official pep rally,

He was praised and commended in a gushing finale.

Unable to reverse what was directed to Hercules as an onslaught of praise,

Hera resigned from her tabloid and raised minks for the rest of her days.

Hercules went on to not only fully redeem himself in the town and be blessed,

But even went on to become a world-renowned chef.

 

He later became the host of his own television cooking show,

And in sautée-making competitions beat food connoisseurs from all over the world.

This story does not have a happy ending, be told;

Guest chef Nessus had never had someone outdo his famous Lomo Saltado.

When he was invited and defeated in one of Hercules' episodes,

Nessus feigned good sportsmanship, yet refused to let go.

 

After the cook-off was over, he went to Hercules backstage,

While offering a bottle of hot sauce to the culinary sage.

The sauce contained a fatal amount of Carolina Reaper,

Yet had the appearance of any regular store-bought sweeper.

Nessus told Hercules that the next time he finds any food to taste bland, without jest,

He should simply pour it on and it would add immense zest.

 

The next day, Hercules decided to test whether Nessus’ claim really stood,

He took a cracker from his cabinet and dipped as much of it into the sauce as he could.

Overwhelmed by the peppers, he died on the spot.

He was given a state funeral as the world lay in shock.

The International Astronomical Union took action with little more than a ponder,

Creating a new constellation from existing stars in his honor.

 

The End

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