No I don’t want to go to your funeral, no I don’t want to wear black, and I don’t want to cry.

I am not being disrespectful, but  it can’t be true, it would be better if it was a lie.

Tell me it’s a terrible nightmare that I will be woken up  from, and in a world with you in it.

My heart is heavy and I feel like I’m going deeper and deeper in a dark pit.

Sometimes I wish you were hit by a bus.

Your death would be quick and easy with no fuss.

I hated how you suffered day after day, I wish I had an answer.

But unfortunately you were diagnosed with stage four cancer.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you cancer, if only you were a person.

I would wrestle you to the ground give you a disease and hope it worsens.

Stab you with needles making them feel like knives.

Giving you all the pain and sorrow from all of the stolen lives.

punching you so hard until it makes you vomit through your ears.

Slapping you across your face until I see tears.

Kicking you where it counts.

Bleeding your blood of crazy amounts.

I will show you life worse than death

you will be begging to take your last breath

Stephan I miss your arms around me as you hold me in a warm embrace

I thought you were going to get better, but that wasn’t the case

When I heard you were dead.

I thought about the last words that I said.

I wish I told you how important you are or that I love you, or even said you were a good guy.

But my last words to you were goodbye.