Started with a Girl
You smile and laugh
You say it’s okay
Always accept the blame
You never say that she hurts you
That the words sting
She says she loves you
But actions speak more than words
She stabs you in the back
She tells her friends a different story
But you believe she loves you cause she says it
You chase after her
You blame yourself and call her name
You hold her hand and she pulls away
You beg her to stay
She says goodbye
As you start to cry
She tells you there’s another
Then she says she wants to be friends
You never know what’s going on
She lies and says you’re the only one
She says you’ll be together
Maybe till the very end
But she leaves again
You sit and ask yourself why
Why you let her hurt you
What you did to mess up
Why you let her manipulate you
Why you sit and take the torture
But she says she sorry so maybe she will stop this time
You sit and talk to her when she’s hurting
You tell her it will be alright
Then she calls and tells you lies
You sit and take her bullshit
But you know you won’t find anyone else
She says she’ll never leave
She says she’ll stay forever
Then for three days she doesn’t reply
You think the torture is finally over
But then it hits you
The thought of maybe I need her
It wasn’t so much you needed her as you didn’t know life without her
You were so used to the constant pain
You were so used to crying that it was different
You finally felt okay
But it felt strange to not have her around
You called
You asked why she left
She said that you pushed her away
And for some reason you begged her to stay
So she said she would
Then you felt okay
Now it’s your fault
Your fault you have to deal with the pain
You begged her to come back
You told her to stay
Everything will be okay
But what if it’s not
What if for some reason your heart never heals
What if you never are skinny enough
What if you never want to be alive
And for some reason you look at yourself and you see a dead girl
A girl with no light in her eyes
You see a demon, a monster if you will
So you cut your thighs
And you tell yourself lies
You say it will all be okay
But what if it’s not
You take the pills
You tell yourself this is the only way
Remember what this all stemmed from
That girl that you were so desperately in love with
That girl that walked away
You sit in a room full of people
That doesn’t keep you from feeling alone
You sit in an empty room
Then the demons start to speak to you
But that girl she’s still there
She still tells those lies
The one’s that started this whole thing
The one’s that made you cry
When you stand naked in the mirror
You circle with marker the places you feel fat
There are so many there is barely any skin
You’re covered in red
Red marker
Red blood
You scream and cry
Your pain is felt in the depths of your heart
You feel it literally breaking
All because this girl you thought you knew
You should have just left when you had the chance
Now the only way is death
You pace in your room with tears streaming down
There are pills on the dresser and a rope in the closet
You stare at yourself in the mirror
You swore you’d never be a monster but that’s what’s staring back
So you walk towards the dresser
You look at the pills
You walk towards the closet
You stare at the rope
Then you look at the razor sitting on the bed
You watch the blood drip
You smile as you cry
You know that you can do it now
You know that it’s okay
So you let yourself slip away
All this started with a girl