Started with a Girl

You smile and laugh

You say it’s okay

Always accept the blame

You never say that she hurts you

That the words sting

 

She says she loves you

But actions speak more than words

She stabs you in the back

She tells her friends a different story

But you believe she loves you cause she says it

 

You chase after her

You blame yourself and call her name

You hold her hand and she pulls away

You beg her to stay

 

She says goodbye

As you start to cry

She tells you there’s another

Then she says she wants to be friends

You never know what’s going on

 

She lies and says you’re the only one

She says you’ll be together

Maybe till the very end

But she leaves again

 

You sit and ask yourself why

Why you let her hurt you

What you did to mess up

Why you let her manipulate you

Why you sit and take the torture

But she says she sorry so maybe she will stop this time

 

You sit and talk to her when she’s hurting

You tell her it will be alright

Then she calls and tells you lies

You sit and take her bullshit

But you know you won’t find anyone else

 

She says she’ll never leave

She says she’ll stay forever

Then for three days she doesn’t reply

You think the torture is finally over

But then it hits you

The thought of maybe I need her

 

It wasn’t so much you needed her as you didn’t know life without her

You were so used to the constant pain

You were so used to crying that it was different

You finally felt okay

But it felt strange to not have her around

 

You called

You asked why she left

She said that you pushed her away

And for some reason you begged her to stay

So she said she would

Then you felt okay

 

Now it’s your fault

Your fault you have to deal with the pain

You begged her to come back

You told her to stay

Everything will be okay

But what if it’s not

 

What if for some reason your heart never heals

What if you never are skinny enough

What if you never want to be alive

 

And for some reason you look at yourself and you see a dead girl

A girl with no light in her eyes

You see a demon, a monster if you will

So you cut your thighs

And you tell yourself lies

You say it will all be okay

But what if it’s not

 

You take the pills

You tell yourself this is the only way

Remember what this all stemmed from

That girl that you were so desperately in love with

That girl that walked away

 

You sit in a room full of people

That doesn’t keep you from feeling alone

You sit in an empty room

Then the demons start to speak to you

 

But that girl she’s still there

She still tells those lies

The one’s that started this whole thing

The one’s that made you cry

 

When you stand naked in the mirror

You circle with marker the places you feel fat

There are so many there is barely any skin

You’re covered in red

Red marker

Red blood

 

You scream and cry

Your pain is felt in the depths of your heart

You feel it literally breaking

All because this girl you thought you knew

You should have just left when you had the chance

Now the only way is death

 

You pace in your room with tears streaming down

There are pills on the dresser and a rope in the closet

You stare at yourself in the mirror

You swore you’d never be a monster but that’s what’s staring back

So you walk towards the dresser

You look at the pills

You walk towards the closet

You stare at the rope

Then you look at the razor sitting on the bed

 

You watch the blood drip

You smile as you cry

You know that you can do it now

You know that it’s okay

So you let yourself slip away

All this started with a girl

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