The trees were bare by the time you finally gave up on me June wishes, an Autumn romance, a winter expiration I caught my hands holding onto Old patterns you let go so easy you. let go of me. you let go of the spring you let go of patterns and hands and memories. you hid everything for me because you didn't dare see it for yourself. I wrote you a poem. I wrote you five and ten and a hundred. I broke my wrists and my mind trying to keep you. Truth be told you were clinging to an illusion that never existed. And when the sky cleared and the music stopped you were gone. And you were happy. Why couldn't you just once look at me like that, the way you looked at her, the way I will always look at you. Those pages and those letters and those notes were each a piece of me and when you sealed them up in that little box and tucked them away and forgot them you burned every piece of my body and my mind and my heart. I've decided I'm not keeping any pictures of you. I don't want those memories. They've got no place here. I suppose I did know how it would end. I knew I would eventually become imaginary. Not the first, not the last, but perhaps the hardestYou retreated out of fear of ever letting anyone see past your stained demeanor and into the crooked truth that you had decided to live in. I can still see our reflection on the pond the day we became one another and swore to the sky. I saw it in a dream, I saw it every time I dared to close my eyes. I saw it in every poem and every song and every painting. I saw it on your eyelids and behind your eyes. I will see it everyday until the day I die. Thank you for setting me free but you must know I could never be free of you. You are the scar from the scave you gave me. Maybe it didnt hurt me anymore but it would always be with me to remind me of who I was and who I had become and who you had made me. We walk by one another and pretend not to see the bitter truth behind the cold unforgiving surface. The smell of cough syrup and moth balls and your father's bible. You are a ghost now. Nothing more than a cold whisper and a claw on my back. I left you in the past and you haunted my future. My trembling clenched hands. I'll pack the knives into a duffle bag and brave the world alone. I'll finally let you go. I'll trudge on. Injured, bleeding, perhaps dying but you will get a chance to be happy. So take back the necklace we bought the night I vowed to never lose you. Take back the gasoline and the hot chocolate and the laughs. Take your damn tears and smiles. Take everything we were and everything we could have been. Ill go and find your shadow. The perfect shape of you but emptier and darker. I will let him destroy me just as you have. So goodbye. Goodbye to our naive midnight phone calls. Goodbye to the safety I felt in your arms. Goodbye to your promises and your reflection and your eyes and you. Goodbye to killing myself to try to keep you but never ever succeeding. Goodbye.
Never again, Sienna