swipe left for friends, swipe right for the kardashians

welcome to snapchat 2018

we know the update was sort of mean

but get ready for a hell of a year

after this? 2019 is what we have to fear.

 

you can swipe left and see stories now!

every time though you still swipe right somehow,

sorry we haven’t changed out layout since 2015,

so we decided it would look nice and clean,

but of course it looks like someone took leftovers from chinese takeout

and made it a multi-million dollar app.

 

i’m so sorry that we’ve done this!

just kidding, sike, you’ll live.

we know most of you are teens,

so we know what that means,

your life is attached by a string to your phone,

you were trying to stop the update, but i know when it happened, you let out a loud groan.

 

here at Snap Inc. we tried our best,

what, we can’t change our layout like you do,

like you do when you see that boy you like?

sorry if i’m getting emotional,

i’ve just never talked to someone like this.

 

we really tried to change and you didn’t like it, oh well,

spending more time on our app then with your family, that just sounds swell.

your parents must love the “mhm”s and the “yeah, in a minute”s that you give them,

we know that your friends do too.

 

swipe left and left again to chat

we all know you love that

or maybe just send a picture instead

and accidentally become best friends with

someone who goes to a rival school by sending five snaps back and forth.

we know, we’re working on it.

 

you actually text people now? or are you just playing 8-ball pool-

oh, we won’t open that tab.

we won’t expose you that much when our system gets hacked again.

 

at least our bitmoji thing looks better,

but if you don’t have one you’ll be a faceless, sad person.

and do you think your friends want to see that?

and make sure to share your location so everyone can see where you are and how often you open the app.

we know you love that.

 

so thanks for being a snapper on snapchat,

and just remember that we are watching.

always.

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