I layed in this room, it recked of a blood-stained sheet, shattered dreams, and fear. I felt this cool breeze run past me but for the life of me I couldnt figure out whether it was the hands of God himself trying to stop me--- or just a figure of my imagination. As I spread my tainted thighs the beholders of my lies. Tears swoll my eyes dampened my cheeks for once I went through with this unholy act I could never bring it back. I could never bring it back. For one second I thought of someone othen than myself I thought of it. I thought of the life I was selfishly taking away. It's sweet laughter, snippy attitude, and innocence. It's eyes like mine, full of curosity, full of pain.
"Hey Girl" said the lady who reeked of cigrette smoke, alcohol, and murder. I could not answer I was frozen, my lips stuck together like a metal gate bolted shut so my inner desires would not be exposed, so I wouldn''t be this fragile girl. I had to go through with it I could not deal with the judgement. Their curved lips, laughing at me. Their laughter never ending it fills my head and never leaves. I am a walking joke, this thing is my foolish deciete. This thing I am not depriving it a life, it's laughter so bitter it stains its mouth, it's attitude not snippy but pure evil that the devil himself thinks of him as his prodigy, and it's eyes nothing like mine it is black holes. It is not apart of me and never will be.
I feel the cold, grimy distillery inside of me it felt like knives continuosly violating me. I never felt pain such as this I wanted to tell her stop, stop your hurting me, your hurting me. But, I could not speak. I could hear her telling me about the girls who sat here before me filthy, fast, and stupid. Colors of black and red are all I could see. I felt blood run down my leg it was so much blood,so much blood.And as I cry I convience myself that it is ok. I t had to be done. "Go home rest before you go opening your thighs to another guy who just thinks of your body as a playground that he is entitled to." says the lady buried under the smell of Burbon as she takes off the gloves covered in my blood.
I enter my house my mom is sitting there questioning where I been , who I been with. "No where, no one" I say She looks me in my blood shot eyes. She examines me stares at me like them boys do looking at me, violating me, undressing me, calling me their baby. "Is that blood on your pants" she says I can feel feel her judgement, her eyes violating me, undressing me. I run upstairs sit in the corner of my room and cry. I can still feel her murderous hands on my tainted thighs,the hands of God, I can still feel the baby inside of me get out I scream get out. It is the opitame of evil, I hear the curved lips laughing at me calling me fast,stupid, a hoe. For that baby was my walking sin.
Once I was going to be a mother
Now Im not