Simple Happiness

Wed, 10/15/2014 - 16:08 -- jhess22

Location

I love to draw 

The lines oozing out of my pen as it

Crawls across the paper

The thoughtlessness of circles

Circles 

Circles

Circles

Over and over until the page is filled with mindless circles

When I draw circles the endless swirls 

And curves keep my hands busy

So I don't think of thorny thoughts

Thoughts that don't make me happy

My pills

My classes

My dad 

My mind is constantly running through mazes of consequences

Of one missed opportunity 

If I should've waved to someone

If I should've held that door

If I should've said something

If I should've shut up

If I should've-

Circles

Circles

Circles

Tracing the imaginary bubbles that are landing on my page

The circles cover the thoughts- smother them

So they can't stem off of each other and push through my fortress of circles 

Destroying my shelter

Becoming a thorny bush

A bush that pricks constantly

That makes my mind bleed

My heart drowns and sinks into my stomach 

I have always wondered how it feels 

To not have a constant waterfall

Or riptide tugging at your

Every thought

I have almost drowned multiple times in the 

Circles 

Circles

Circles

Of my own thoughts 

The water is never still

The ocean is always roaring 

I have never felt the

Calmness

Of the eye of the storm 

I created

Even in my dreams

I am drowning

Drowning in the sound of his coughs

His lungs filling up with sickness

Drowning in the bright blue of the pills that keep me from being

The mass of pure sadness

I truly am

An empty shell

Drowning in the mountain of papers 

I haven't finished

The teachers who are monotone 

And unfeeling

Drowning in the amount of apathy

I am currently feeling

So my pen draws circles deep into the paper

Etching my feelings onto the whiteness of the page

Circles

Circles

Circles

Keep me calm

Keep me dry

And up high, high from the rip tides of my own mind

Circles keep me

Happy 

Happy 

Happy

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